Like a Stone
by mydistraction122
Summary: Erik gets advice from an unlikely source. But will it be enough for him to change his course, or is it already too late? Erik/Charles eventually. All Erik's point of view.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: First and foremost, I wrote this because I'm a fan. In my opinion, there is simply not enough Eric/Charles in the world of fanfiction. Just so you know, this will eventually be a romance not a bromance. I do not own any of these characters, and any quotes I use from the various movies are only a shout out to some of the best lines between these two. If you're a fan, you can spot them. I haven't found a beta yet, so it's self edited. Please keep criticism constructive. I intend this to be about fifteen chapters, nine of which are already done. I will be posing two chapters every other day and then one chapter a week till I'm done. This is the last of the long author's notes...promise.**

"Magneto…," Mystique asked, "are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Yes…we wouldn't be here if I didn't," I told her with a glare.

We stood outside of the CIA grounds on a mission to rescue Shaw's white witch. The last thing we needed was the talented telepath to be made a tool of the CIA. One way or another, we would be putting an end to that possibility. Whether she decided to work for me or was simply eliminated was up to her…for now. I turned to Mystique and the others.

"Follow me," I ordered.

I walked purposely toward the side of the building not worried about being seen. The humans could be easily taken care of.

The steel I-beams hidden within the walls of the building called to me. With a clench of my fist, they exploded free of the concrete that surrounded them and created a huge hole. With small bits of debris and dust raining down on us, we made our way into the building and to the lower levels where Miss Frost was being held. I made short work of the guards we encountered by turning their own weapons against them.

I ripped the door off of her cell just in time to see her turn into her diamond form.

"I know we've had our differences," I began.

She looked around suspiciously. "Where's your telepath friend?"

I kept my face a mask.

"Gone…left a little gap in my life if I'm honest. I was rather hoping you would fill it. Join us."

She looked over at the other mutants. I wondered what she thought of her former colleagues' presence. I'm sure she had already stolen the memories of everything that had happened from their minds. Telepaths were good at taking secrets.

Turning her attention back to me, she flashed a smile. If it was meant to charm me, it failed miserably.

"Eric, I believe."

"I prefer Magneto," I stated.

I began to hear voices and footsteps coming down the hall.

"Azazel, I think we've worn out our welcome." I turned to the others. "Let's take our leave."

I grabbed onto Azazel's shoulder and the others followed suit. In an instant, we were pulled away from CIA headquarters to a safe house hidden away in the jungles of Costa Rica.

I looked around the lavish estate, one of many that Shaw owned before I took them from him, and then back at the others.

"Come with me, Miss Frost. I think it's time we became reacquainted."

I showed Miss Frost to my study and sat down behind the desk there. She sat across from me, propped her legs up, and looked around.

She gave me a saucy smile. "Haven't had time to redecorate, I see. This place was always Sebastian's favorite. He'd be glad to know you haven't changed anything."

I simply studied her and wondered if I should have just ended her in the cell. She interrupted my internal debate with a question.

"So sugar….am I to assume the goal is the same?"

I kept my face a blank mask. "And what goal is that Miss Frost?"

She smiled condescendingly. "The same goal every powerful megalomaniac has…world domination of course."

I was beginning think that she didn't understand the gravity of her situation. What she was hoping to accomplish with her casual mention of Shaw, I didn't know. But the anger began to build. My face revealed nothing, but a letter opener that was resting on the desk levitated into the air and started spinning lazily between us.

She gazed at it with a bored expression and then covered her mouth and yawned.

"Miss Frost…I don't believe you're taking me very seriously. And that is a mistake"… with a twist of my wrist I bent the arm of the chair up and circled it around her neck, "a deadly one".

"You need to understand," I continued, "the only reason you're still alive is because I see you as useful." I clenched my fist together and tightened the metal around her neck. "You're not irreplaceable, Miss Frost." I smiled a little when I saw her face begin to turn red. "Remember that."

I didn't remove the metal from her neck (I kind of liked the collared look on her) but I allowed some of the pressure to ease. I waited for her to catch her breath.

With every moment that ticked by, my anger began to fade. It was replaced by a feeling I was coming accustomed to as of late; emptiness.

The only sound in the room was Emma's ragged breathing. It was time for her to understand where she stood.

With a flick of my finger I separated the metal from the chair leaving a collar of metal around her neck. I dragged her to her feet using the new accessory.

"I'm making you a job offer, Miss Frost but it seems you may need some time to think about your choices. And just so we understand each other, they are quite limited."

"Take the night. We'll talk again in the morning."

Emma looked at me with a mixture of anger and trepidation.

"And stay out of here," I said pointing to my head. "I'll know if you go digging around." I added

Then I smiled, "Nice necklace." I made sure she felt a little tug. "It suits you."

She glared at me, but said nothing. Maybe she was finally learning to keep her mouth shut.

I walked out of the room without a backwards glance and started towards the stairs. When I arrived at my room, Mystique was leaning against the doorframe waiting for my arrival.

"How did things go with Emma," she asked.

"Fine," I answered. "I've given her the night to weigh her options. Emma and I will speak again in the morning. Afterwards, I would like to meet with all of you. Make sure everyone is aware they need to be there."

"All right…" she hesitated. "There are some things I would like to speak to you about. " Her eyes drifted to the door with a hopeful expression on her face. "I was hoping we could speak now."

"Unless it's a pressing matter, I'd rather it wait till morning," I told her firmly.

Without waiting for her to say anything else, I opened the door and then shut it behind me .With a wave of a finger I slid the lock in place and as it clicked behind me, a small measure of tension eased from my shoulders at the sound.

I slowly walked into the bathroom and over to the sink. Turning on the cold water, I let it run over my hands. I swept some up to the back of my neck, which was slick with sweat. It was very hot and humid. I doubted I would ever become accustomed to the weather here.

I glanced in the mirror and was greeted by the eyes of a stranger. For so many years my eyes burned with the fire of my anger….my rage. Now there was nothing. It was like looking into the eyes of a dead man, and I was very familiar with what those looked like.

The helmet seemed heavier than usual, but I wouldn't take it off. Miss Frost could not be trusted, and though I had given her a warning, I wasn't taking any chances. I've seen what a telepath could do.

I went through my nightly routine, lay down on top of the sheets, shoved a pillow under my head and scowled slightly at the inconvenience of having to wear the helmet to bed. Up until today, I didn't have a reason to keep it on while I was here, but now things were different. It would be a long time before I would be spending any time without it.

I allowed the sounds that filtered through the open windows to distract me from any deeper thoughts. The chirp of crickets and tree frogs lulled me to sleep each night and were one of the few things about Costa Rica that I didn't dislike.

It wouldn't take long for me to drift off, but I also knew I wouldn't be staying asleep for long.


	2. Chapter 2

It started the same as it always did.

Charles walked toward me with a smile on his face. His blue eyes shined bright and a feeling rose within me that I didn't recognize. All I knew wasthat the feeling was good.

"Eric, join me in a game of chess."

A chess board appeared with chairs on either side. I sat down and Charles sat across from me. I gestured toward the board.

"You're move, Charles."

Charles played the white pieces. He always played white.

He made his first move, king's pawn to E4. And so our game began.

Answering move for move, time passed with little meaning. It was silent between us, but it wasn't awkward in any way. I didn't want the game to end.

All too soon, I heard him shout check mate. I looked up from the board and saw his triumphant grin.

"You know Charles," I said with a smile, "you're one of the few people to ever beat me at this game. If I didn't know better, I would say you're cheating," It was then I suddenly noticed the weight of the helmet on my head. "But I guess that's an impossibility at the moment," I added. I reached up and touched the metal shield. "You couldn't cheat even if you wanted to," I teased.

Charles' grin slipped from his face.

"Eric, take it off," he told me with a glare.

"I'm Magneto," I told him intently. "You need to call me Magneto, not Eric."

"No, Eric," he stressed. "Take off that damn helmet."

Charles started to get up and lunge toward me, but immediately fell forward and grabbed his back. It's the first time I'd noticed that Charles' chair had become a wheel chair.

Charles looked up from the ground; fear colored his expressive blue eyes.

"Eric," Charles whispered frantically," what have you done," he asked as he tried to move his now useless legs.

"No, Charles," I said desperately. "It was the humans. I don't want to hurt you. I would never hurt you."

"You're lying," Charles accused. "You did this to me. You're responsible."

Charles tried to pull himself back into the chair. His movements were clumsy and frantic, but when I reached down to help him he flinched away from me. As if burned, I pulled my hand back.

As soon as he managed to get back in his seat, he started to move away from me. I couldn't let him leave, not like this, so I used the metal in his chair to pull him back. I had to make him understand.

"Charles, I didn't do this," I insisted. "The humans with their missiles and Moira with her gun…they turned them on us like we were bugs to be exterminated. Can't you see? They did this, Charles. They did. The humans are responsible."

"You left me Eric," he accused. "You left me on that beach to die. Moira helped me, and human doctors saved my life. You did nothing but walk away after you made sure I would never walk again."

Charles gave me a look so filled with hate that it almost brought me to my knees. He once again tried to move away, but with a roughness borne of desperation, I pulled him back.

"Let me go, Eric," he ordered fiercely.

But I only held him tighter, so tightly that the sides of the chair began to buckle. A flicker of pain crossed his face, but it barely registered. I wouldn't let him go. Not until I could make him understand.

"Let me go, Eric," Charles screamed. It was a scream of pure agony, but I only held tighter. The frame of the chair continued to squeeze tighter around him, and the metal started to completely encapsulate Charles in a constricting steel prison. The last thing I saw was Charles' eyes as the agony in them was replaced by a fading light. The last thing I heard was a whispered, "Eric, let me go."

I woke up with a start, my heart racing, my breathing frantic, and Charles' agonized screams ringing in my ears.

With a feeling of utter helplessness, I whispered back into the darkness, "I don't think that I can".

And I didn't know if I wanted to.

* * *

Charles once told me that I had a fascinating mind. And while most people's thoughts were a chaotic mess, he said mine were very compartmentalized.

I had given him an incredulous look, but I had known what he was saying had been true. Learning how to master my thoughts was the only way I had been able to survive over the years. If I had not been able to separate my mind from the torture my body was experiencing at Shaw's hands, and if I had not been able to focus sole on my objective as I hunted Shaw and the Nazi butchers, I doubted I could have survived or accomplished all that I had.

It was that same single mindedness that was getting me through each day since Cuba.

I would go the whole day and never allow myself to think of Charles. I would not think of him at all; not the cocky glint he would get in his eyes every time he beat me at chess, not the smile on his face when Sean had flown for the first time, not the shared tears or the look of compassion on his face as we shared the memory of my mother, and definitely not the pain filled look he had given me when he told me I was responsible for him being shot.

But the nights…they were my undoing. Every night a variation of the same dream visited my subconscious. It was always the same…Charles accusing me and me hurting him. Over and over the same words, only the backgrounds changed. And no matter how much I didn't want it to happen, Charles always ended up dead. And I would always be the one to kill him.

Killing Shaw and then protecting our kind from the humans had been my soul focus that day of the mission. Charles and everyone else had been reduced to nothing more than a tool to be used to meet those objectives or an obstacle to be moved out of the way. Concepts like friendship and trust had been laid to waste with the righteousness of my anger. And memories of being pulled from the depths of isolation with a whispered, "You're not alone," were obliterated by the fires of my rage.

Leaving Charles on that beach had seemed like the only option at the time. We wanted different things or so Charles had decreed. But was that completely true? Did we have to be on the opposite sides of the coming war? Why should we be?

Did the single-mindedness that had always served me so well cause me to make the biggest mistake of my life?

Without moving, I used the brass knob on the bedside table to pull open the drawer. I then pulled a small piece of lead shrapnel through the air into my hand.

I felt the familiar metal and absentmindedly began rubbing it between my fingers… such a small thing to be the cause of so much destruction.

It was evidence of my pathetic existence that this was only thing that remained of the only friendship I had ever known.

I had let go of so many things that day on the beach, but I continued to hold onto this. And unlike the memories, this at least was tangible.

If I ever started to doubt my course of action, all I had to do was look at this mangled bullet. Any doubts would fall away when faced with the reminder of what the humans tried to do to us that day…and what they had done to Charles.

But I also knew that if I continued down the path I envisioned Charles would be my enemy. Could I live with that?

It seemed I already was.

**Next two chapters will be up Wednesday. If you have any questions about characterizations or other parts of the story, just ask and I'll respond. **

**I love poor conflicted, Eric. This is only the beginning. Hope you enjoyed.**

**As always, doesn't belong to me. **


	3. Chapter 3

I looked at the clock at my bedside. It was 3:20 am. There would be no more sleep for me tonight, so with a weary sigh I got out of bed.

Raven told me after we first relocated here, that she enjoyed the howler monkeys waking her up each morning. She joked that as long as we stayed, she would never need an alarm clock.

I would never need an alarm clock either, but for other reasons. It seemed I was an earlier riser then even the howler monkeys.

After getting dressed, I went to the kitchen and put on some coffee. It was a necessity these days.

I didn't bother with anything to eat. I wasn't hungry and I'm sure Mystique would try to bring me something later, anyway. She did every morning.

I cringed at the thought. What to do about Mystique? Kissing her that night before Cuba had been a big mistake. Evidently, actions did not speak louder than words because it seems I had been misinterpreted.

Unfortunately, now I was dealing with the consequences.

I made my way to the study and sat behind the desk. The day before we released Miss Frost, Mystique had been able to acquire a few files from the CIA. She had been on a reconnaissance mission to get the layout of the base where Miss Frost was being held and had been able to obtain much more than that. She hadn't had time to sift through the files to see what was useful, so she grabbed what she could.

I picked up the first file and began to read. This was the distraction I needed, and it didn't take long to lose myself in the pages. I didn't look up again until I heard footsteps echoing down the hallway, coming toward the study.

Miss Frost came through the door looking as put together as usual. I wondered what it would take to get her disheveled. A list of possibilities immediately came to mind, none of them pleasant for her.

"Good Morning, Miss Frost. Did you have a pleasant night's sleep?"

She gave me a sunny smile. "Of course, sugar. Compared to the accommodations I've had to endure the last couple of months, last night was a night at the Ritz. I slept like a baby. How about you, Hun? Did you sleep well?"

"Well enough," I answered cryptically. "So Miss Frost, before you slept the sleep of the innocent were you able to come to any decisions regarding your future. "

She rolled her eyes. "I'll ignore the sarcasm, sugar. And as far as my future, I know exactly how I want to spend it."

"And how would that be….," I prompted when she hesitated.

"As far as working with you, and though I'm extremely grateful you got me out of that hell hole, I think I'll have to pass."

I gave her an incredulous look. "I didn't remember it being an offer. It was more of an ultimatum. I don't trust you, Miss Frost. The only reason we broke you out of that prison is because I didn't want the CIA commandeering that talented brain of yours. But there are other ways to insure that, "I gave the collar around her neck a little squeeze, "ones that I would enjoy immensely."

"I'm sure you would, but the fact of the matter is I'm not going to work for you. See, I've already been on the little journey your about to embark on, and that's a trip I don't care to repeat. And if you want some free advice, I would say you should skip it as well. "

I narrowed my eyes at her. Advice from the bitch that had been Shaw's telepath and whore for years…mirthless laughter filled the study.

"I didn't ask for your advice," I told her humorlessly. "I suggest you keep it to yourself."

She stood up. "No, Magneto. I don't think I will. You're trying to take up where Shaw left off, but the fact is you'll never be him. He was so much better at this kind of thing then you could ever hope to be."

I scoffed at that. "The evidence doesn't support that, Miss Frost. I killed the man, after all."

She laughed in a way that conveyed anything but amusement. "He was going to end up dead no matter what, you just expedited matters. But that's beside the point. I know you're quite the accomplished murderer, but no matter how good you are at it you'll never be as good as him because you'll never enjoy it as much. Every kill, every torture, every scream, he got off on it. He enjoyed it more than a good fuck," she gave me a lurid grin, "and trust me, sugar, I would know."

I shuddered at the very thought. She needed to just shut up.

"Just because I want some of the things Shaw wanted," I explained, "does not mean I have any desire to be him."

"His reasons for eliminating the humans were so he could lord over his own mutant kingdom. That's not what I want," I explained. "I know what humans will do to our kind if they're not stopped, and I have a duty to stop them."

"You keep telling yourself that Eric. Let the old adage about the ends justifying the means and all that other hog wash soothe what's left of your conscious. Is that what you tell yourself when you picture your telepath friend bleeding on the beach? I…."

A roaring sound filled my ears, and my vision blurred red. I squeezed off any further comment from Miss Frost by squeezing the collar tight and hauling her into the air. Finesse was the last thing on my mind, and it barely registered when her head crashed into the ceiling.

I looked up and saw the blood begin to run down her face, and the look of fear in her eyes as she uselessly pulled at her neck.

"You go too far, Miss Frost."

Her legs began to thrash around, and her face turned blue. She continued to pull at the collar, and completely apathetic I watched as her struggles began to slow.

It took a moment to register Mystique and the others in the room. Mystique was calling my name; a name she hadn't used in two months.

"Eric, you're killing her. You need to stop," she shouted.

Mystique continued to yell, but it wasn't her voice that I was hearing. Suddenly, it was Charles'.

"Be the better man, Eric."

It was just like that day on the beach. His voice was so clear it was like he was standing next to me. Once again, I was being offered a choice. I was surprised when I realized just what choice I had made.

I vaguely registered the thud as Emma hit the hardwood floor. Angel and Mystique ran over to her as Riptide and Azazel looked on.

I walked over to where Emma was lying and saw her eyes flutter open. Her face was covered in blood from the cut on her forehead. She was a mess.

'So this is what a disheveled Emma Frost looks like', I thought.

"Get out," I told everyone.

Azazel and Riptide walked from the room, but Angel and Mystique looked up from where they were tending to Emma.

"I won't hurt her again," I told them. "Just, get out."

They reluctantly left, and I held my hand out to Emma. She seemed to assess me for a moment before taking it. She swayed when she reached her feet and I helped her to the nearest seat.

I tilted her head up and examined her wound. It was about two inches long and deep. The bleeding had slowed down, but hadn't stopped.

"You're going to need a few stitches, Miss Frost. Lucky for you, I'm somewhat of an expert."

"Say's the guy who did this to me in the first place," she croaked. Her voice was as big a mess as the rest of her. "And I didn't know you had a medical degree on top of all your other talents."

"Let's just say it's a talent that's come in handy over the years."

I walked to my desk and pulled out a first aid kit I kept in there for emergencies. This was the first time I would use it on anyone but myself.

"You'll only need five or six stitches," I told her. "I don't have anything for the pain." It wasn't an apology, just fact.

She started to laugh, but it came out as a gasping cough.

"Don't worry about it," she croaked. "I've had worse."

I allowed myself to think about who she had lived with the last few years.

"I'm sure you have."

**Hope you enjoyed it. Emma's coming off more sympathetic then I originally planned, but I'm liking her more and more. Let me know how I'm doing**

**Eric continues to be a bit of a mess. That's the way I like him. **

**Still don't own.**


	4. Chapter 4

After putting the last stitch in place, I called for Angel.

"Can you help Emma up to her room? Make sure she has everything she needs to get cleaned up."

"Sure, no problem," she said eyeing Emma from the corner of her eye.

Emma noticed her scrutiny.

"Don't worry, darling," she said to Angel. "I'll live. It'll take a lot more than a little temper tantrum to take me out."

Angel smiled cautiously while I rolled my eyes.

Emma slowly got up and she and her escort began walking from the study.

"We'll talk again in a couple of hours, Miss Frost."

"Oh goodie," she said sarcastically. "I hope the next time we see each other you can avoid trying to stick my head through the ceiling, Magneto."

The way she said Magneto made it sound more like an insult rather than a name, but I ignored it. I wouldn't let myself be baited.

"I'll see you in a few hours, Miss Frost," I said non-committedly.

Emma frowned at my obvious lack of reassurance.

As soon as she and Angel were gone, I shut the door behind them and sat down behind my desk.

I rubbed my eyes tiredly and glanced up at the ceiling. I saw the hole that Emma's head had made and looked down quickly only to be met with the sight of her blood on the floor.

I took a deep breath and tried to regain control. I felt like a rubber band that had been pulled tight to the point of breaking. When was the last time I had felt even a measure of calm?

Charles immediately came to mind, and just as quickly I tried to banish him. But memories continued to come, and despite my efforts they would not be ignored.

'_Eric, you're not alone.'_

'_There is so much more to you then you know…not just pain and anger. There's good too…I've felt it.'_

And fighting against those thoughts were the words I had said to Shaw.

'_Everything you did made me stronger…Made me the weapon I am today. It's the truth. I've known it all along. You are my creator.'_

When I spoke those words to Shaw I meant only to distract him; it was only after I said them that I realized how deeply I believed them to be true.

I had told Charles that peace had never been an option. Shaw had made me a weapon after all, and what part of peace could a weapon have?

All I knew was the fight. The Nazi's came when I was just nine years old. My family was herded to the Jewish ghettos like cattle to the slaughter. Every scrap of food that my family possessed, we had to fight for it. To make it through the polish winters with nothing to burn but our own possessions, was a minute to minute struggle. We spent years in those ghettos slowly watching each other waste away.

Then the Nazi's came and said we were being relocated. It had been the general consensus that where they were taking us would be better. Nothing could be worse than where we were, after all. We soon found out how incorrect that assumption had been.

That is when we were taken to the concentration camps.

That is where I met Shaw and my family was killed.

That is where I learned what true pain was.

I fought it every day…the desire to just give up and give in to despair. But I kept fighting because I had a purpose. To avenge my family and to kill Shaw…those were the thoughts that kept me going. The fire of my anger kept me warm and forged me into sharpened steel.

I wonder if for one moment- as he was turning me into this weapon- that he ever could have believed I would be the one to destroy him.

I had been fighting for so long that it had become second nature. My first instinct was always to eliminate the threat. I learned a long time ago that mercy is a weakness, and if you want to stay alive you have to stop them before they stop you.

I had experienced firsthand what humans could do. What they would do when a group of people were seen as a threat. Humans had sought out the extermination of millions of people simply because they were seen by a madman as inconvenient and subhuman. What more would they do to a minority group that rendered their kind superfluous? I knew what was coming and everything in me needed to stop it by any means necessary.

But then there was Charles. Whether he was naive, optimistic, or simply arrogant enough to think his abilities gave him a deeper understanding of human nature, I didn't know. But he honestly believed that war with the humans wasn't inevitable.

He was wrong, of course. And while I would be working to make sure our kind were not destroyed, Charles would be offering his hand in friendship only to be stabbed in the back.

They had already done it. We had just stopped a nuclear war and their first instinct was to kill us. Why did he refuse to see the truth?

For all of Charles' talents, for all the times he had seen into my mind and read my experiences, I wonder if he could really ever understand.

He had probably read the minds of thousands of people including me, but I wonder if like most people he only saw what he wanted to see.

Maybe I had been going about this all wrong. Charles needed me far more then I could ever need him. His rose colored glasses would end up getting him killed along with everyone around him.

He would never change my mind about the humans but maybe with time, and if provided with enough evidence, I could make him see the truth and save his life in the process.

Another image I had tried to block came storming to the forefront.

_Charles was lying in my arms. Other than the night when he pulled me from the water, I had never been this close to him. It didn't make sense that just a few moments ago it had come to blows between us, and yet now all I wanted to do was keep him safe. Seeing the look on his face, I knew I had failed. _

_As he gazed up at me, his eyes were filled with pain and accusation._

'_She didn't do this, Eric. You did.' _

I don't think anything had ever hurt as much as when he said that to me. I wonder if he still felt that way or if time and some perspective had made him rethink those day events as well?

'_Be the better man, Eric.'_

Would I ever get those words out of my head?

I looked up at the clock and realized that Emma would be coming down soon. What was I going to do with her? It would be so much simpler just to kill her. She had worked for Shaw and that made her untrustworthy to say the least, and letting her go would mean looking over my shoulder for a very long time. Telepaths were dangerous, and she was the most dangerous kind; one without ethics.

But the thought of killing her was becoming more unappealing with every passing moment. Was there a way to minimize the risk of letting her go that would be acceptable to both of us.

I looked at the large painting behind the desk and an idea began to form. Standing up, I swung the painting on its hinges and revealed the hidden safe there. I put in the combination and opened the door to reveal the safe's contents. Amongst a few weapons, and a few thousand dollars in cash was hidden what I was looking for.

I held out my hand and what looked to be a small silver rock flew through the air into my palm. I enjoyed the feel of it for a moment and then laid it in front of me on the desk.

Iridium; it was one of the rarest metals on earth. I had found it in the possession of one of the Nazi fugitives I had found. I had never encountered any metal like it before, and found it fascinating. As I learned about its properties, it became even more so.

It was rare. It was one of the densest metals in existence, was the most corrosive resistant, and its melting point was over 4000 degrees Fahrenheit.

I absentmindedly formed it into a ball and started rolling it back and forth between my hands. This was the only piece of iridium I had ever come across. It would be hard to let it go.

I smiled cynically. I guess I could always view it as my good deed for the day.

It was then I remembered the old saying, no good deed goes unpunished.

Any semblance of a smile quickly disappeared.

**Another chapter tomorrow. Hope you guys enjoyed a look into Eric's mind. It's a rather depressing place at the moment...well most of the time actually. **

**Please review.**

**I still don't own. **


	5. Chapter 5

Over the next couple of hours, I played with different designs on the metal. I didn't normally use my power for something as trivial as jewelry making, but I could only assume the more aesthetically pleasing I could make it the better.

I started out by shaping it as just a smooth metal ring about a half inch wide. I then started etching patters into it that upon closer inspection vaguely resembled snowflakes. That wasn't the intended design, but I decided to go with it.

It took a lot of trial and error to get it to resemble anything that might be considered attractive, but the results were satisfactory in the end.

I had just finished up when Emma walked in. Motioning for her to sit down, I placed what I been working on inside the desk.

I looked up and noticed the bruises I had put around Emma's neck. With a wave of my hand, the collar I had put there parted and fell to the floor. It was only then I could see the true extinct of the damage. A quick image from my dream the previous night suddenly struck, and I saw Charles being crushed by his chair. Is this all I was; someone who was destined to destroy everyone in my path?

'_There's more to you then you know, Eric…not just pain and anger. There's good too. I've felt it.'_

I remembered Charles' words again, but looking at Emma's injuries made it even harder for me to believe them.

Emma gingerly rubbed her throat. If she was surprised I had removed her unwanted gift she wasn't showing it. Her face was devoid of any emotion and she remained silent. I guess it would be up to me to start this conversation.

"So Miss Frost, if you left here what would your plans be?"

She cleared her throat.

"I have a property in Paris and I would go there."

"And what are your plans once you get there? I wouldn't want you to get bored," I told her seriously. "People tend to get in trouble when they have too much time on their hands."

She assessed me for a moment and I noticed as she stole a glance at my helmet. She was probably dying to know what I was thinking. Telepaths were not used to being in the dark, and she had no idea where this conversation was headed. But it was hard for me to feel sympathetic. If she could only read my mind it would be one thing, but if she wanted to she could make me walk into the jungle and feed myself to the first Jaguar I came across. I didn't have the luxury of knowing her intentions, and so the helmet was a necessity.

"If you must know," she answered angrily, "I don't plan to be bored. I plan to shop, and gamble, and drink, and fuck…In other words, I'm going to live my life. So tell me, Magneto. Would that classify as busy enough or must I have death and destruction on my agenda as well?"

I shook my head impatiently. She really knew how to try my patience. But instead of getting angry, I challenged the obvious flaw in her plans. She was being extremely naive.

"Even if I let you walk out those doors, do you think the government is going to let you free? What do you plan on doing when they come after you? And we both know they will."

She smiled and her eyes filled with anticipation.

"Anyone," she stressed, "that comes screwing with me, will be dealt with." She turned to her diamond form. "It will be my pleasure to have them eating with a spoon and shitting in a diaper. I can take care of myself, especially when it comes to humans."

I couldn't help but be impressed. She was a deadly weapon wrapped in pretty packaging. Just like Raven, Emma's beauty could best be found in her true form. But unlike Raven, Emma was completely confident in both her skins. I saw her standing in front of me and was reminded once again that I was proud to be a mutant.

In that moment, more than any other I was struck with a simple truth. Emma and I were the same. We had the same enemy. And we would only be on opposite sides, if we chose to be.

I told Charles on that beach that we were brothers…and that we should be protecting each other. If I believed in nothing else I believed that, and I needed to start exercising that belief right now.

"Emma, I have a proposition for you." She lifted her eyebrows and smiled seductively. I rolled my eyes and continued. "Not that kind of proposition."

She smiled. "I know. I just like screwing with your head and this is the only way I can do it with that thing you have on."

She wasn't going to make this easy. I reached into the desk and brought out the necklace.

She looked at it suspiciously. "What is that?"

"This, Miss Frost is the key to your freedom." I passed it to her and she started turning it over in her hands. Once again her face was blank.

"That necklace is made from one of the rarest metals in the world. I won't go into detail, but I'll say it's very durable. I could sense someone wearing that in an area roughly the size of a sports arena. It would be impossible to hide it from me."

"And why are you giving it to me," she asked icily.

"I think you know the answer to that, Miss Frost, even if you can't read my mind."

"So let me see if I can get this straight. You want me to wear this," she held up the offending piece of jewelry, "so you can what…monitor me?"

"You might say Miss Frost that I have trust issues. I don't want to have to kill you, but I need to know to the best of my ability that you're not going to try to stab me in the back, literally or figuratively. I want you to live your life, just like you talked about, while I live mine. I don't want to control you. It would indeed be my great pleasure to never see you again. Just think about it."

She eyed me then eyed the necklace. Holding it up to the light, she smiled.

"Are these snowflakes," she asked incredulously.

"Maybe," I answered reluctantly.

She smiled again.

"So all I have to do is put this on, and you're going to let me go?"

"Yes…agree to wear it and I'll have Azazel take you to Paris."

When she hesitated I felt the need to press a bit.

"This is me trying, Miss Frost. I think it would benefit you greatly to meet me halfway. This is what I'm willing to compromise…but no more. Don't expect me to forget you worked for Shaw. Because that's not something I can do."

"As much as I would like to, I'm not going to forget either." She looked down at the necklace thoughtfully. Then with a look of determination she said quickly, "Okay, put it on…At least it's pretty," she added with a smile.

I picked it up with a wave of my finger and secured it around her neck. I made it less tight then the collar, but small enough where she couldn't slip it over her head. The properties of iridium would make it virtually impossible for anyone but me to take it off, not without killing her anyway. Her diamond form wasn't as durable as she might want it to be. I had seen it crack in Russia.

"So, am I free to leave now, "she asked impatiently?

"Of course, that was our agreement. Have a good life, Miss Frost. I hope to never see you again."

"The feelings mutual, Sugar."

Emma walked out of the study and I called for Azazel.

With a puff of smoke he appeared before me.

"Miss Frost will be leaving us, Azazel. Could you transport her where ever she asks? She said something about Paris."

Azazel looked at me puzzled.

"You are just letting her go?"

"Yes. I'll just say Miss Frost and I have come to an understanding."

"Alright...When will she be leaving?"

"Within the hour, and I'll be accompanying you of course. I don't want her messing with your head."

Azazel looked confused at the turn of events but nodded, then teleported away.

Less than an hour later, Emma came back down to the study. She had one bag with her and was wearing clothes that were surprisingly not white.

She must have seen my look of surprise.

"Don't look so surprised, sugar. If I want to blend in I can't very well go around looking like a minion, can I? Besides, it's after Labor Day. It would be in bad taste to where white after Labor Day."

I just shook my head. I would be glad when she was gone. She had the act of shallow blond bimbo down pat, but I knew better. She could fool others her performance, but I would never be fool enough to underestimate her.

Where was Azazel?

"It looks like we may have a few minutes, Magneto. So I was wondering, what's with the change of heart?"

She fiddled with the chain around her neck and eyed me curiously. I wondered how much of an answer I should give her, if any at all. In the end, I decided to give her as simple an answer as I could and let her read into it what she would.

"Well Miss Frost, let's just say I'm trying to turn over a new leaf. Besides, you're too entertaining to kill," I said sarcastically.

She laughed. "I'm going to miss you too, sugar."

"I wouldn't go that far," I told her seriously.

Everyone then began to make their way into the study. Angel and Raven came over and hugged Emma, while Riptide looked on from the doorway. Azazel simply asked if we were ready to go.

"So, Miss Frost, is Paris still the destination?"

She turned to the teleporter.

"You know my apartment in Paris, Azazel. Take us there."

Emma grabbed on to one shoulder, and I touched the other. I then felt the sudden wrenching sensation that came with teleportation and in the next moment I was standing in a room done entirely in white. The walls, the ceilings, the rugs, the furniture…everything was white.

Before I could say anything, Emma chimed up.

"I like white," she said defensively.

I hadn't said a word.

I wasn't much for long goodbyes, so with a nod of my head I touched Azazel's shoulder. But before we could leave, Emma grabbed his hand to stop us.

My guard immediately went up.

"What now, Miss Frost? My patience with you is running out."

"Just so you know," she said matter of fact. "He'll forgive you."

My body immediately went tense and I wanted nothing more than to throw her into the ceiling again.

My voice was like cold steel. "How would you know anything about what he might or might not do?"

If she was nervous at my change of tone, she didn't show it.

"Quite a bit actually," she answered. "I am a telepath after all."

I pointed to the helmet. "Yes Miss Frost you are, but you can't read my mind."

"No, not now, but I read your mind in Russia, and I got a glimpse of your friends mind too and if…."

I interrupted. "I've advised you before, Miss Frost to keep your opinions to yourself. You know nothing. I'm leaving now and don't try and stop us again. "

She looked like she wanted to say more, but wisely stepped away from us and kept her mouth shut. I nodded at Azazel who was looking at me curiously and then almost instantly we were standing in the middle of my study.

Everyone was there waiting for us, and with all eyes looking on I made an announcement.

"Everyone, make yourselves comfortable. We need to talk."

**Still don't own.**

**Do you think Eric made a mistake letting Emma go?**

**Let me know, and I'll give you a hint as to whether we'll be seeing Miss Frost again.**

**Thanks to Rachellcara for her reviews, and thanks to all of you who are reading. **

**Next update will be Friday.**

**Styl lookeen four a Batu. :)  
**


	6. Chapter 6

While I sat down behind my desk, everyone else found various seats around the room.

I took off the blasted helmet and ran my fingers through my damp hair. Damn, it was good to finally have it off.

They all looked at me expectantly, but it was Mystique who spoke first.

"What is this about, Magneto? Just yesterday we risked our lives to get Emma out of custody, because you said she could be an asset. Now, twenty-four hours later she's gone? How could you just let her walk out of here? She worked for Shaw, she's dangerous…we should have let her rot."

Before I could say anything, Azazel spoke up.

"I worked for Shaw as well, should that be my fate? To be left to rot in your government's prison?"

For a moment, she looked ashamed but then her face clouded with anger.

"You know that's not the same, Azazel. You explained why you worked for him. It's different with her. "

Azazel shook his head. "You are so young," he said condescendingly. "You know my story, but have you no thought of Emma's? It is easy to judge what you know nothing about."

Before Mystique could continue their argument, I interrupted.

"I let Emma go because she's one of us. And I won't turn against my own kind unless they prove themselves to be my enemy."

Mystique looked incredulous. "You didn't seem so certain of that when you were hanging her from the ceiling."

"At the time, I was still undecided what to do about her and a lot of other things," I said honestly. "But I've been thinking a lot; about what to do next, where to go from here, and if I'm sure about anything I'm sure of where the real threat lies. The humans want us dead…all of us. For us to turn on one another would be giving them exactly what they want. The more we kill each other…the less of us they have to kill."

"You were all there when Darwin was murdered." Angel and Mystique both looked down as soon as I said Darwin's name. "He died trying to protect you. He was one of us, he was our brother. And it wasn't a human that killed him, but one of his own kind."

"I will not be Shaw," I said emphatically, "and that is one of the reasons I wanted to speak to you today."

"I'm going to contact, Charles. And if he will agree, I want us to work together."

Mystique gasped. I looked around the room to assess their reactions. Riptide and Azazel looked nonplussed, Angel looked shocked, and Mystique was shaking her head, a look of betrayal clouding her features.

"But you don't want the same things," Mystique said desperately. "Charles said so himself. My brother expects us to live hidden away...like our mutations are something to be ashamed of. He wanted me to hide."

"I think you're wrong, Mystique…and I know that I was…about a lot of things. You're not a mind reader and neither am I, and we didn't exactly give him an opportunity to tell us what he was thinking. If he'll let me, I want to find that out. I want to know how he plans on handling the humans, and how he wants to go about integration...and how long he expects us to wait for that to happen. I also want to know if there's a point when he'll see the need to fight, because I know that day is coming. When it does I want us fighting side by side, not on opposite sides."

I looked around the room. "I know what I need to do. I need to find a way to bring us together…that is the journey I want to take. But I know that isn't the path for everyone, and I'll understand if this is where we part ways. But know this…If you ever need my help, I'll be there… just like you've been here with me these past two months."

Azazel spoke first. "I have always followed," he said, "but now I think it is time to make my own path. I will leave tonight."

I nodded. Riptide spoke next.

"I will leave tonight as well, but when the war with humans does come I will fight by your side. We are brothers."

"We are brothers," Azazel repeated.

"Brothers," I said. A feeling of pride surged within me. Each of us was going our own way, but we were still united. If this was what the Brotherhood was evolving into, I approved.

Angel and Mystique whispered to each other in almost silent conversation. After a few moments, I watched as Angel reached for Mystique's hand and squeezed it reassuringly. Mystique turned back to me.

"Angel and I are going to be traveling together for a while. We won't be going with you."

"Where will you go," I asked.

"We're not quite sure yet. I think we'll stay here for a while and figure things out."

So this is how things were going to be settled. I can't say I was surprised, although I was hoping Mystique would at least be willing to think about coming with me.

Everyone had made their decision and there wasn't much more to say.

I looked to Azazel who was standing against the wall with Riptide.

"Before you leave tonight, I'd like to speak to you both," I said to them. "I think it's important to establish a way to contact one another."

Azazel agreed. "We will see you before we go."

The men left the room. Mystique must have been waiting for that very thing because the moment they were gone she asked Angel to leave as well.

"Are you sure," Angel asked wearily.

"Yes," she answered.

The soft click of the door closing was followed immediately by tense silence. And as the moments passed, the atmosphere became truly stifling.

"I don't know whether to thank you or to hate you," she finally said. "You helped me see myself in a new way. Thanks to you I'm able to see myself as more than just a freak, but I walked away from so much."

She looked at me with tears in her eyes. "Was it worth it," she asked quietly.

I had no answer for that, so I remained silent.

"Do you know you were the first person to ever tell me I was beautiful…at least while I looked like this." Her hand swept down her blue body. "Sure, guys were always complimenting me," she switched her form to the blonde girl I had met a lifetime ago , "but I could never take it to heart…I could never believe it because they were never really seeing me…the real me." She switched back to her blue form again.

"But then you came along; and helped me see myself in a whole new way. You told me I was beautiful, and you kissed me." She touched her lips. "You're the only person to ever kiss me while I looked like this."

I started to get a sinking feeling in my stomach.

"It didn't mean anything to you, did it?" Her question was met with silence. "Answer me, goddammit," she said angrily.

I sighed, exasperated. "I meant every word I said to you…. but that kiss was a mistake. It should have been obvious then, and it's more than obvious now."

"Then why did you do it," she asked.

"I didn't plan it, and before I found you in my bed that night I never even thought of you in that way. But I had seen that you had been struggling…with who you are, and how you viewed yourself. I've never really been that good with words, so I took the opportunity to show a beautiful woman how desirable she was; in all her forms."

"So what," she asked. "Was it a pity kiss?"

This is what I get for kissing a teenager, I thought tiredly.

'No, it was not a pity kiss. In fact, it was quiet enjoyable. But it was impulsive," I added truthfully," and it was a mistake…one that want be happening again."

She rolled her eyes. "Trust me; you won't be getting the opportunity again."

I got up from my desk and walked to where she was standing. I took hold of both her hands and met her gaze.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you," I said sincerely. "It wasn't until recently that I began to suspect you might have certain expectations. Those are expectation that I can't meet," I told her seriously. "But I count you as a friend, someone I can trust…and I don't have many of those. I hope you won't allow this to ruin that."

She looked back at me, her expression unfathomable. "It's not ruined," she said reluctantly, "not permanently anyway. It's just going to take some time."

I squeezed her hands, before letting them go.

"Are you sure about staying here," I asked.

"Yes, and don't ask again. I do know my own mind. But what about you," she asked curiously. "Are you sure about your plans?"

"No," I admitted, "but for the last two months everything has felt wrong. It's not supposed to be this way, and I'm hoping that it's not to put things right. However right it can be." I took a deep breath and tried to explain. "Charles was the first person I met that was like me…That first night we met he saw into my mind. He told me later he had seen everything. He knew most of what I had done and saw what I planned on doing. But despite all that, he still counted me as a friend. He cared, and that's unbelievable to me; especially now.

"You know" I mused aloud, "in the time we spent together he saved my life at least three times…First, the night we met, then in Russia, and again when I was with Shaw in that sub. He did all that, and I left him…I don't know if he'll stand the sight of me, let alone ever trust me again… but I've got to try. We'll never survive what's coming if we're fighting each other as well. "

Tears welled up in her eyes. "I left him too, you know. But despite that I'm pretty sure he'll forgive me…he probably already has. It will take me a lot longer to forgive myself."

She wiped the tears away impatiently and added. "The reasons I'm not going back have nothing to do with Charles. There's still good I can do from here and I guess I just need time to find my own way as well." She leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. "Tell him I'm okay, and that I love him."

"Why don't you tell him yourself," I challenged.

"Someday," she said and then she walked from the room.

**If anyone ships Magneto/Mystique, I apologize. But if you want to see the truth about their "chemistry" just watch the scene in First Class when they're walking into cerebro for the first time. Raven was walking up the stairs in front of Eric. Her ass was less than 12 inches in front of his face, and he never even glanced at it. If that doesn't convince you of the total lack of spark between them, I don't know what will. (Plus her dress was really short. Hell, I would have looked.)**

**If you agree with me and think Magneto/Mystique shippers need their heads examined, give me a shout out.**

**Next chapter coming today.**


	7. Chapter 7

When Raven walked from the room I sat down at my desk and thought about the last twenty-four hours. So much had changed. I couldn't help but wonder if it was all happening to quickly.

In the past, decisions had come easy. It was all about getting to Shaw, and every choice was designed to get me closer to the day I could rid the earth of him. I didn't second guess myself, I didn't have that luxury. It was stay alive, and stay the course.

But now the doubts began to assail me, and it was an uncomfortable feeling. I was of two minds and it seemed as if they were at war with one another. One mind urged me to stay on a path that was comfortable in its familiarity. Remove the threat at any cost. It was so satisfyingly easy, and I briefly wondered why I should attempt anything other than what I had always done.

But my other mind flashed me pictures of Charles clutching his back as he fell to the beach, the bruises around Emma's neck, and pieces of dreams that hinted of a future where Charles and I could be nothing but enemies. It reminded me of Charles' words of friendship, goodness, and hope. It reminded me of a brotherhood that wasn't maintained with fear and control, but mutual respect and a pride in what we are.

I wondered briefly if I was going insane. How was it possible to be so torn? In all my life, I had never felt as unsure as I was now.

But despite my inner turmoil, I was moving forward with my decision to seek out Charles. And there was no point in thinking about it further.

For the next few hours, I read my way through pages of mostly useless Intel. Most of the files were filled with information we were already aware of. There was a mention of a new base of operations they planned on building…but the name of the build site was one I didn't recognize. The only hint that it had anything to do with mutants was the file in which it was found. I put those pages aside. Maybe someone else would have heard of the location.

My stomach growled and I realized I hadn't eaten all day. I looked at the clock and saw it was 6:30pm. Azazel and Riptide should be leaving soon.

I went to the kitchen where I made myself a sandwich and a cup of coffee. As I was cleaning up, Azazel came in and handed me a piece of paper.

"This is the address to a post office box that I keep. It is checked once a week. If you need to contact me, write me with your location and I will come to you."

I folded the paper and put it in the pocket of my jeans.

"I don't know where I'll be staying yet, but as soon as I get settled I'll write and let you know where I'm at. Good luck," I told him sincerely.

"Is their anywhere you wish for me to take you before I leave," he asked.

"No," I answered. "I think I need to start getting used to traveling the old fashioned way. Besides, it will give me time to figure out how I'm going to approach things."

With a quick nod, he teleported from the room and I went back to the study.

It was starting to get dark and I had been up since three o'clock this morning. After putting away the files I had already been through, I made my way up the stairs to my room and started getting undressed. A shower sounded really good right now.

I stepped into the water and sighed as it began running through my hair and down my back. Grabbing the bar of soap, I began to vigorously scrub until I washed away the sweat and tension that had accumulated over that last twenty-four hours. I stayed inside long enough for the water to run cold, and then got out. After drying off, I didn't even bother getting dressed. I went straight to bed and lay down. It didn't take long for me to drift off to sleep.

It was different this time, because it didn't feel like a dream. There was no fuzzy dream like qualities that hinted that this was a nightmare. It was so reaI.

I could smell the ocean mixed with the smoke that seeped slowly from the downed plane. I could feel the way the sand gave under my feet with each step that I took, and I could see the missiles hanging in midair waiting for me to give them a direction.

Everything was still and silent, like time had been frozen in place the same way I had frozen the weapons sent to destroy us all.

Then I felt a presence beside me. I turned and saw Charles.

He was looking out across the water with his fingers resting on his temple. He turned to look at me, his eyes suddenly very sad and very old.

"Don't give up on them, Eric."

"What would you have me do, Charles? Stand by and let them kill us all. As long as they are alive, they will keep trying. I won't let that happen."

"And I won't let you do this," he said pointing to the sky. "It's murder."

He flew into my side and knocked me to the ground. I was so shocked that for a moment he had the upper hand, but with an elbow to his face I quickly knocked him off of me.

His face was bloody as he continued to struggle to try and subdue me.

"Stop Charles, I don't want to hurt you."

He looked up at me with tears in his eyes. "But you always do, Eric."

I heard those words and I froze. In that moment of weakness, Charles wrenched the helmet from my head. Instead of him seizing control like I presumed he would, his mind simply sank into my mind. It should have felt like a violation, but instead it felt like a missing puzzle piece had finally found its way home. I, who was so broken, felt whole again. The shock of this alien feeling held me in place where nothing else could.

For a moment we just stared at each other as Charles' presence filled every corner of my head. There was no perception of time passing. It could have been seconds, minutes, hours or even years. Finally I asked, "What are you doing, Charles."

"I'm looking."

"For what," I asked.

His smile was sad. "I'm looking for hope, Eric."

"Hope for what?"

"For us," he stated simply, like those two words should reveal all. He briefly looked away from me and out at the ships.

"Is there no part of you that wants to spare them, Eric?"

"You're in my mind, Charles. Why do you ask questions you already know the answers to?"

"Because I'm hoping I'm wrong."

"There's no point in hoping. They'll never let us live in peace. They fear us, and they will do their best to eliminate us. And whatever it takes, I must stop them."

His smile was sad. "And I must stop you."

His eyes became intent as they looked into mine. They were so blue. I found myself reaching up to touch the sides of his face. I didn't stop and examine why; it was simply a need I couldn't control. He was so close to me, but not close enough.

For that one moment, everything felt right. The warmth of Charles' thoughts, the feel of his face in my hands, and the intense way he was looking down at me came together in the perfect configuration.

Then everything changed.

The warmth that radiated suddenly became a fire. It burned, ravaged, and left only scorched earth in its wake. My hands fell from Charles' face and gripped my head tightly. I opened my mouth in a silent scream.

The missiles fell from the sky to harmlessly hit the ocean. I could no longer hold on to them, my only thought, 'Make it stop!'

The fire burned hotter. Everything thought, memory, and emotion that made me who I was slowly turned to ash, and while I burned I was looking into the bluest eyes I had ever seen; the kindest eyes.

That made it better, and worse.

"I'm sorry, my friend. If there's to be peace, this is something I must do."

Suddenly the pain became even worse, spiking to a level I'd never experienced before, not even at Shaw's hands. Then something snapped….and there was nothing at all.

I woke with a start. Tangled in sheets and covered with sweat, I grabbed my pillow and shoved it under my pounding head.

I didn't know whether to feel relieved or angry.

I hadn't killed him this time, but he had killed me.

In the past two months, I had dreamed of Charles at least every other night. And in all of those dreams, he ended up dead. Why had tonight been different?

I thought that tonight my dreams might finally be quieted. I made the decision to try and walk a different path. Shouldn't that be enough?

If this dream was any indication, it wasn't. Not even close.

This Charles had weighed me in the balance and clearly found me wanting. It was clear he had given up on me. I wonder if the real Charles had done the same.

My chest got tight and I closed my eyes to block out the thoughts that were screaming to be heard. Thoughts like; it's too late, he won't forgive you, and you don't deserve to be forgiven.

I knew the latter was true. I didn't deserve his forgiveness, but I hoped like hell he would give it anyway.

**This last bit broke my heart to write. In case you didn't recognize, some of the lines were from the original xmen movie. That scene on the walkway where Professor X and Magneto talk is one of the most heartbreaking scenes. Especially in light of what we find out in First Class.**

**We're getting closer people. Charles will be showing up soon.**

**Next chapter out on Monday. Until then….toodles.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Warning…there is a torture scene near the end of this chapter. It's not too graphic, but it could be disturbing to some people...so just a heads up.  
**

**To anyone German who is reading this, I'm apologizing in advance if I slaughter your native tongue. It is unintentional, and I blame it on Babylon translator. Any help on getting it corrected would be appreciated. **

The next two days were spent getting ready for what I hoped would be my permanent absence from Costa Rica. I knew how to travel light, so packing wasn't the issue; it was finding a place to stay once I reached New York that might be a problem. The towns near the mansion were very small, and I was sure that rentals would be scarce.

I wasn't so arrogant to think I would be accepted back at the mansion anytime soon if at all, so finding a place to stay once I reached my destination was the first order of the day. Luckily, a call to a realtor and a bank transfer was all it took to secure a one bedroom house in the city of Armonk, New York. It was just a few miles away from my old allies.

I then called the airport in San Jose to set up air travel. There were no private planes available for another two day, but I was able to secure the first available. The plane would take me as far as Mexico City with one stop for fuel in Guatemala City.

From Mexico City, I would fly into Dallas Texas and then from there directly to Idlewild Airport in New York City.

If I remembered correctly, it was about forty miles from New York to Westchester. I would have to purchase a vehicle to drive there, but that wouldn't be a problem.

It turned out the biggest decision that I had to make before leaving was whether or not to leave the helmet behind. I knew that if I wanted Charles to trust me after all that happened, I couldn't show up wearing it. But I also knew he wasn't the only telepath I had to be concerned with. And if I was the CIA, my number one priority would be to get one on the payroll as soon as possible. With that thought in mind, it went in the bag. I couldn't bring myself to feel bad about the decision, despite the way Charles would probably view its presence.

Saying goodbye to Angel and Mystique was a subdued affair. Raven followed me out to the jeep, but not for an emotional goodbye. She was all business.

"Just so you know I'm still going to be looking into things at the CIA."

"I never doubted that you would," I told her honestly. "Let me know if you find anything of importance. If there's a threat to us, I want to know about it."

With a short nod of her head, she turned and went back into the house.

I drove away and didn't look back. It was never anything more than a roof over my head and there had been hundreds of those over the past eighteen years. I hadn't missed any of them, and this one would be missed even less than the rest.

The next couple of days were tedious, but I was accustomed to travel. Over the last few years I had traveled tens of thousands of miles in pursuit of Shaw. Most of the leads I had followed while pursuing him had been dead ends, and I was never certain of what I would find at the end of a series of leads. In a lot of ways, what lay at the end of this journey was just as uncertain as all the others I had embarked on.

I arrived at Idlewild airport at 10:30pm. As I stepped off the plane, I was met with snow flurries and freezing temperatures. It was December in New York and I could definitely feel the cold. I rubbed my hands together trying to generate some warmth. A pair of gloves would have been nice, but I would have to settle for the pockets of my leather jacket. Costa Rica felt very far away.

I walked out to the sidewalk and got into one of the cabs that were lining the street in front of the airport. As soon as I slid into the seat, the cabbies gruff voice filled the cab.

"Where to," he asked loudly.

"Do you know Sanfords Motel on West 38th?"

"Sure, is that where I'm taking ya," he asked skeptically.

"Yes," I answered shortly, making it clear I didn't want to chat.

"Whatever you say, buddy." He set the meter, and then pulled off into traffic.

New York was the city that never slept, so traffic was still heavy despite the hour. I looked up into the rear view mirror and noticed the cabbies face for the first time. He reminded me of Darwin.

Darwin was just another reason I would never regret killing Shaw. Shaw talked a nice game about not wanting to hurt his fellow mutants, but his practices contradicted his stated philosophy at every turn. In his mind everyone had been expendable.

I thought of the way I had left Charles, and what I had almost done to Emma and understood how easy it would be for me to become just like him. Even though I felt it was naive and misguided, I could see where Charles' path would be the more difficult one to walk. Killing was easy.

We pulled up to Sanford's thirty-five minutes later. I handed the cabbie a twenty, checked in, and was standing in my room ten minutes later.

I had stayed in this motel two years ago when I was in New York, and it had suited my needs at the time. It was clean, and as long as long as you gave them a little extra money the owners didn't ask questions.

After cleaning up from the long flight, I laid back on the bed. I was tired, but I couldn't quiet my mind enough to actually go to sleep. So it drifted along in a stream of half-formed thoughts and unanswered questions.

How would the next few days play out, I wondered? This was the first time since I had escaped from Shaw all those years ago that the future was a complete question mark. It was unsettling to be so unsure of the future. I knew what I wanted, but I wasn't sure if it was possible. And unlike my search for Shaw, whether I was able to succeed at this task was not sole up to me.

Without leaving the bed, I unzipped the side pocket of my bag. I floated the bullet I had pulled from Charles into my hand.

It should have felt cool to the touch. Yet each time I held it, I could still feel it warm with Charles' blood. It was still unfathomable to me what this tiny object had done to him.

I had found out two weeks after Cuba what his diagnoses was.

Raven had gone looking for answers as soon as we got settled in Costa Rica. It had taken some time and a lot of digging, but she had finally found the hospital that had treated Charles. He had already been released so she didn't have to worry about him sensing her presence. That made getting his medical records even easier.

His file had spelled it out so clinically. Complete severance of the spinal cord at the L2 vertebrate. And there was no hope of improvement by conventional means.

After I read the file Raven had taken, the first thing I felt was disbelief. It wasn't possible that something like this could happen to someone like him.

I remembered the look of exhilaration on Charles' face as he ran with Hank, and slowly began to realize he would never run again.

It was then I had felt something building in me that I had only felt once before in my life; the day my mother was murdered in front of my eyes.

I had opened my eyes to realize I had floated into the air and everything metal in the room was spinning around me. I had felt an emotion so strong it felt as though I could pull the earth from its very axis. I had wanted to kill Moira, I had wanted to find every man on those ships and make them suffer. I had wanted to tear apart the whole world.

But most of all I had wanted to go back in time and keep him safe; from Shaw, from the humans, and most especially from me. And I couldn't do that, so in the end I did nothing.

I locked away the feeling and didn't allow myself to think of him and all that he had lost.

But for the first time, knowing that I could be seeing him in the next few days, I could do nothing but think. How was he coping? Was he angry? Was he finding a way to move on with his life, even having to do it from a wheelchair?

Why did I care so much? I certainly didn't want to. I hadn't wanted his friendship or his presence beyond what was useful to me.

But now, with any hope of that friendship bled out on the sands of a Cuban beach, the simple truth was that I missed him.

I missed him like someone would miss a limb that had been severed from their body. Like something essential to my well being had been stolen.

But I knew nothing had been stolen from me. If anything, I had thrown it away with both hands.

I shook my head. I didn't need anyone. By relying on myself, I would never be disappointed. I was here because Charles needed me and that is what I would stay focused on. Anything else was a distraction I didn't want.

It was past midnight and I was planning an early start in the morning. All of this introspection was a waste of time and was interfering with my sleep, so I determinedly closed my eyes.

I took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and felt as I consciously tried to release the tension in each section of my body. It wasn't long before I drifted off. The bullet still clutched in my hand.

The worst nightmares are the ones that are pulled from reality.

I was in the cell where Shaw had held me for most of my imprisonment. It was a six by eight cell made of concrete. It had a wooden cot, a wooden bucket that held my drinking and wash water, and a hole in the floor that served as my toilet.

I sat on the bed and looked fearfully at the door. For as long as the door didn't open, I was safe.

But safety was fleeting. He always came back.

I shrank back against the wall when I heard the door open. I closed my eyes and tried to block out his presence, but he wouldn't be ignored.

I felt as he sat beside me. He put his arm around my shoulder and I tried to flinch away, but he held me tight.

"Guten Morgen, Eric," he said cheerfully.

I knew what he expected and I responded in kind.

"Guten Morgen."

"No, no, no Eric. English remember. Today you speak English."

I flinched away expecting to be hit. It usually came directly after I had disappointed him in some way. Unbelievably, no blow came and I looked up to see him looking at me expectantly.

I barely understood what he had just said, but I understood the word English. I racked my brain trying to remember the words he had tried to drill into my brain. Russian, English, Spanish…it was all too much and so difficult to keep them all straight. But pain was a powerful motivator, and I was able to give him what he wanted.

"Good morning," I said hesitantly.

He clapped me on the back. "Ahh Eric…You are such a smart boy."

He smiled and my blood ran cold. I knew that smile. It wasn't proud, it was filled with anticipation. I knew what was coming next.

He stood up and pulled me too my feet. I tried to pull away from him, but he was stronger than me and I had no choice but to go.

He pulled me to the end of the hallway, through the door, and then strapped me to a wall.

My eyes were wide with fear, and my breaths came so close together I felt lightheaded. My heart was racing and if there had been anything in my stomach I would have alread covered the floor with it.

"Fürchtet euch nicht, Eric! Wir spielen ein Spiel."

Don't be afraid he said. My whole body began to shake.

He studied the instruments on the table and picked up a thin black blade. Walking over to where I stood strapped to the wall, he held the object close to my face.

"It's such a simple tool, young Eric," he said in German. He knew my grasp of the English language hadn't progressed to the point I would understand him completely, and he didn't want to be misunderstood now.

"It is a simple tool," he continued," but it causes much pain. If I press lightly," he pushed the blade lightly to my neck, "you barely feel it. But if I press harder, "he pushed the blade into my skin and I screamed, "it causes much pain," he explained clinically.

Without removing the blade, he slowly began slicing across my neck. I screamed louder. The blade continued to move.

"To make it stop, all you have to do is use your power. Take it from me, Eric. Rip it from my hand."

If only I could. I had been here for months, and I still could not reproduce what I had done the day he had killed my mother. The metal jumped when I was in pain. It sometimes shook when I screamed, but that was all. And it wasn't enough.

"Eric, Eric, Eric…you disappoint me." He removed the blade from my neck. It was red with blood.

He ran a finger down my arm and looked contemplative.

"You know I don't want to hurt you, Eric. You're very special. But sometimes a parent must discipline his child if he wants him to reach his full potential. You will understand one day."

He pushed the blade into my arm at the start of the imaginary line he had drawn. I screamed again.

"Anhalten, Herr Doktor," I cried in agony.

"No Eric, Engish. Today is English," he reminded me calmly.

I couldn't think of the English word. I could think of nothing but the pain. And even if I could, I would have never gotten it out past my screams.

At that very moment, Shaw pushed hard enough to touch bone. The world swam in front of me, and I felt as reality started to fade away.

It was then I felt it; the connection. I didn't have to question what it was, because I knew. I had felt it once before. The metal was calling to me, and I listened.

Using nothing but the power that was now flowing through me, I wrenched the blade from his hand and threw it at him with all my might. It struck him in the shoulder and was buried to the hilt.

He casually reached down, and pulled the object from his shoulder. I stared in horror as he started to laugh

"Good Eric, very good; I am so proud of you. That is what you do when you are threatened. You are so strong and you must show your enemies. Make them fear you, Eric."

When he released me from my restraints, I immediately collapsed. He picked me up from the floor and held me tenderly as he carried me back to my cell. The contradiction between how he was treating me now as apposed to a few moments ago made his touch even harder to bear.

As soon as we got through the door, I was laid gently on my cot and I shuddered as I felt him stroke my hair.

"Rest, Eric. You have worked so hard today. We will continue your training in the morning."

He covered me with a blanket before leaving me alone in my cell.

As soon as the door clicked shut, I sobbed into the darkness. I wrapped my arms around myself seeking any comfort I could find.

I found none.

I woke to the sound of my sobs echoing around the room, and for a moment I felt just like that thirteen year old boy again.

I took a deep breath and reminded myself who I was today. I was no longer that boy, and the monster was dead. I had killed him.

Peace wasn't an option, I knew that. But I had hoped that killing Shaw would at least put to rest some of the ghosts that haunted me.

But the ghosts were not banished, and if killing him hadn't accomplished that then was there anything that could?

**Part of the reason I love Eric's character so much is because he's a survivor. I don't want to believe that someone who survived all that he did is irredeemable, and in my story at least he's not.**

**Next chapter will be posted Friday, and Charles will finally make his first appearance outside of Eric's head.**

**Thanks to all of you who reviewed.  
**

**I still don't own.**

**"Fürchtet euch nicht, Eric! Wir spielen ein Spiel."...Don't be afraid. We play a game.  
**

**Anhalten,...Stop**


	9. Chapter 9

**Short torture scene…Shaw makes another appearance in Erik's dreams.**

**I don't own.**

I pulled up to the rental in Antioch at ten o'clock the next morning. The agent said she would leave the keys in the mailbox. I guess security wasn't something people needed to be concerned about in this area. It was my first priority.

After stowing my gear in the one bedroom, I checked the perimeter of the property. The house was against the street, but it was the only one on the block. The property ran up to woods in the back but the forest had been cleared on both sides. There was a cleared area of about two hundred yards between the back of the house and the forest that would be easy to defend. As far as defense goes, it could have been a lot worse.

I went back to the car and opened the trunk. Inside was what I needed to help control the perimeter of the property. If anyone found out where I was and came after me these would be my first line of defense.

Taking the first hand full of sixteen penny nails I began tossing them around the property. It took me less then an hour, and when I was done I felt confident I could defend the area. I smiled when I thought of driving the three and a half inch nails through the body of the person who would dare come after me.

I remembered passing a small market as I drove through town so I went back inside, grabbed my wallet, and pistol and drove back to the store. The market was small, but had everything I needed and it didn't take long before I was finished and had driven back to the house.

It was well past lunch by the time I had put up the groceries, fixed something to eat, and unpacked. I went into the sitting room and sat by the fire place. Now that I was here, I wasn't sure what to do next.

I was used to being on my own. It had been a way of life for me and it was disconcerting how uncomfortable it felt after such a short time of being surrounded by people.

I was lost in thought and was startled when I heard a knock. I had only been here for a few hours and wasn't expecting anyone, so I grabbed my pistol and walked cautiously to the door. I looked through the peep hole not knowing what to expect and was shocked when I saw Alex's scowling face staring straight ahead.

I was immediately inundated with memories: Alex sullen and alone in solitary confinement; mannequins bursting into flames; Charles patiently employing the use of a fire extinguisher while reassuring Alex he would gain more control with time.

My gaze drifted from Alex's irritated face and I noticed something for the first time. The peep hole wouldn't allow me to see below Alex's chest, but the top of Charles' head was clearly visible.

My breath left my body in a surprised gasp. The moment was finally here, and I had no idea what to do with it.

Another knock sounded, but unlike the polite knock from before this one was decidedly more impatient.

I shoved my pistol into my waistband, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

My eyes shifted down to take in my first glimpse of Charles in two months. His gaze met mine, and though they were the same eyes I had looked into hundreds of times it was like looking into the eyes of a stranger. The light that was always present in the past had vanished. His eyes had always reminded me of the clear skies of summer, but now they more resembled an arctic sea.

Their had been other changes as well. He had lost weight but seemed to have gained muscle mass in his arms and shoulders. And I also noticed he had gotten a haircut.

It had only been a seconds since I opened the door, but the heavy silence made it feel much longer. I didn't know what to say to this Charles. The Charles who was no longer my friend, but I hoped wasn't my enemy.

Charles, who was always the diplomat, was the first to speak.

"Hello, Erik," he said evenly. "Are you going to invite me in?"

"Yes, of course." I opened the door wider and motioned him inside. Charles pushed himself forward, but struggled as he tried to maneuver over the threshold. Alex started to grab hold of the chair to help him across, but Charles held up a hand that signaled him to stop. An exasperated expression briefly crossed Alex's face, before he was able to mask it. Charles meanwhile, fought his way through the entry way and went into the sitting room.

Alex started to follow, but Charles had other ideas.

"Alex, wait for me outside please."

Alex's started to protest and despite what Charles had said he stepped further into the house.

"I'm not leaving you alone with him," he said. The expression on his face as he looked at me was one of pure loathing. I didn't have to be a mind reader to know where I stood with Alex. But it wasn't Alex's opinion that I was worried about.

Charles sighed impatiently.

"If I need you, I will let you know," he said out loud. But by the different emotions flitting across Alex's face, I knew more was being said between them. After a few seconds, Alex went out closing the door behind him leaving Charles and I alone.

Charles didn't waste any time getting to the point.

"Why are you here, Erik?"

I walked slowly to the place that Charles had wheeled his chair to. He had placed himself next to a seat close to the fireplace, and before sitting down I turned the armchair so that it faced him. It wasn't my intention, but as I sat down and looked across at him it occurred to me the position seemed almost adversarial. It was like I was setting up for a game of chess, and I guess in a way I was. But it was one that wouldn't be played on a board.

Instead of answering his question, I asked one of my own.

"You mean you haven't already found out for yourself," I asked.

Charles drew in a sharp breath and his hands clenched. For a moment, I could have sworn he wanted to hit me. His voice was tight when he answered.

"If you're concerned about that Erik, maybe you should have worn your helmet. That way you wouldn't have to worry about me digging around."

It occurred to me that I was making a mess of things.

"I don't know why I said that Charles. I'm not concerned….not really."

He looked at me skeptically and I couldn't blame him. If I trusted him completely, I would have never put that helmet on in the first place.

"I'm still waiting for an answer," he said after a moment. "I want to know why you're here."

There were hundreds of different whys, but only one that seemed to matter. And only one I thought he would see the logic in.

"I want us to work together, Charles."

He clenched his eyes shut for a moment before opening them to aim a look of total disbelief at me.

"Then I'm sorry to say you've wasted you're time, my friend. If you recall, the last time we tried working together things didn't turn out so well."

The memory of Charles falling to the sand flashed through my mind quickly accompanied by a wave of guilt. I tried quickly to blot out the image and the emotion.

"You should know Charles, that it wasn't my intention to hurt you. I never wanted that," I said sincerely.

His cold eyes turned hot with anger.

"No," he said bitterly. "It was only your intention to kill thousands of innocent men. I just got in the way."

As much as I tried, I couldn't suppress the anger his words ignited.

"Those men were not innocent," I said with barely suppressed rage. "They declared war on us Charles and in a war if you don't fight back, you die. I'm a fighter….and as long as they're trying to eliminate us, I'm going to do everything in my power to stop them."

Charles' blue eyes gazed intently into mine. His gaze softened as he stared at me.

"You couldn't have survived all that you did, and not be a fighter. It's one of the things I admire about you. But it's not Erik the fighter I have a problem with; it's Erik the murderer."

I didn't realize how close I had leaned into Charles until the force of his words pushed me away. It only made me angrier that he could illicit this type of response in me.

"And tell me what you think the difference is, Charles. If you don't fight to kill you're only going to fight the same enemy again and again. They won't stop coming. The threat has to be eliminated. It's the only way to truly be safe."

"Are those your words Erik, or are they Shaw's?"

I stood up abruptly. It caused me to tower over Charles and forced him to look up to try and meet my gaze. It felt wrong, and despite my anger I slowly sat down and tried to reign in my emotions.

I never wanted to make Charles feel small. Despite everything, I knew I would never view him that way. He was the one person I saw as my equal if not my better.

I offered the one thing I could that might reassure him….that might make him see what I hoped for us to accomplish together.

"You can read my mind, Charles. If you would just see what I've been thinking about….what I've been considering. I don't want things to be this way, and I hoped that you might feel the same."

I thought I saw a look of longing on Charles' face before he looked down and when he looked up again it was gone. His voice was determined when he started to speak.

"There was a time my friend when I thought that the only way to really know a person was to know their mind, but if you've taught me anything it's how false that belief is. You think if I read your mind I'll what…trust you again? I don't know if that's possible. "

I knew when I came here that this was a possibility, but hearing the words hurt more than I ever thought they would.

"I knew that you were going to kill Shaw. I hoped you wouldn't, but I understood why you felt you had to do it. What I don't understand is what happened after that. I fooled myself into believing that I really knew you, and what you were capable of. But I was wrong …about a lot of things, it turns out."

He let out a shaky breath and glanced up at the ceiling. He seemed to be trying to fortify himself; against what, I could only guess.

"I could read your mind a million times Erik and it would still be impossible for me to know what line you wouldn't cross because you haven't drawn it. And until you do, I couldn't be confident that what happened in Cuba wouldn't play itself out a hundred different times and in a hundred of different ways."

I grew numb as his words washed over me like an icy rain. I thought of all the different times I had dreamed of him since Cuba. All the different ways I had killed him, and I knew he was right. So I said the only thing I could.

"Charles, I think you should go now."

His face was determined as he turned the wheelchair away from me. He must have let Alex know he was ready to leave, because the door swung open just as he reached it. Alex stood on the other side and waited patiently as Charles maneuvered his way back across the threshold. All the while I sat, and felt the icy numbness spread.

It was just as Alex began to close the door that I felt an almost irresistible urge to reach out with my power and pull Charles back to me…to make him stay.

But then I remembered the dream in which I crushed Charles in his chair and I was able to do in reality what in the dream I could not; I let him go.

After Charles left, I went to the bedroom and got the bag I had just unpacked hours ago from beneath the bed. I went to the small dresser and began to remove the neatly folded clothes and repack them. It took only a matter of seconds and the job was complete.

I then turned to the small night stand beside the bed and opened the drawer there. It contained a small black book that had the numbers and names of my contacts. I threw it into the bag as well.

That left two more items to pack; the helmet and the bullet. I picked up the bullet and walked over to the window and opened it. I flung it has hard as I could embedding it into an old maple at the back of the property two hundred yards away.

I walked over to the bed, removed the pistol from my waistband, and sat down with my back against the head board.

I wondered how Charles could have found out I was here so quickly? I had only arrived in Antioch a few hours ago, and I hadn't been prepared to see him so soon. I don't know if there was any way I could have prepared.

I grabbed the helmet and sat it in front of me and wished there was some way to go back and time and never have touched it.

I've never been a person to feel regret. I had always done what needed to be done and then moved on. It didn't pay to second guess. I couldn't change the past, but I found myself wondering for the first time what would have happened if I'd never put on Shaw's helmet. Would it have changed anything? Could it possibly have changed everything?

It occurred to me that I had never felt so alone or so without a purpose. I wondered what to do next while at the same realizing I really didn't care. My first instinct was to go…to move on and never look back. But if I had learned anything over the past few months, it's that my first instinct, where Charles was concerned, were usually wrong.

So what was the alternative? Was I going to give up this easily? Charles was nothing if not honest, and even though it wasn't what I wanted to hear it was what I should have expected. I still couldn't begin to understand how much I had hurt him. The least I owed him was to stay and try to repair some of the damage I had done.

Charles had made it clear he couldn't trust me, but I had to believe that someday he might. I knew that for that to happen I had to draw that line he was talking about, but it was a hard thing to do. What line was I unwilling to cross to protect myself and my allies? It was a hard thing to determine when not in the situation, but it was probably better to make these decisions when not in the heat of battle. I was smart enough to realize it would be much harder in practice then in theory to keep to any promises I might make tonight.

I thought of the meeting I had with Raven and the others and what had been said. I guess I had drawn a line of sorts when I had vowed to protect my fellow mutants…to never view them as expendable. Could I treat humans that way as well? Is that what Charles expected of me?

Reaching down to the foot of the bed, I grabbed my travel bag and tossed it to floor. I wanted to try to get some sleep. I guess I would need to unpack again, but it could wait until morning.

The room had grown dark with the setting of the sun, but I hadn't bothered to turn on the light. There was a full moon and just enough light for me to make out my breath which was white with the cold. The window was open, and though it wasn't snowing the temperature was below freezing outside.

I lifted my hand, and with a downward motion I began to close the window. But just before it closed completely I reached out with my senses till I felt what I was looking for. I waited a second and the piece of metal flew into my hand.

I finished closing the window the rest of the way. It would keep the room from getting any colder, but the damage had already been done. Unless I turned on the furnace, it would be an uncomfortable night.

I rolled onto my side and waited for sleep to claim me. I drifted off to sleep with the bullet clutched in my hand. For once, it didn't feel warm to the touch. It was ice cold.

I've had this dream many times, though in reality it only happened once.

I was walked into a bare room with a claw foot tub filled with steaming water. I had only seen a tub like this once before in a home my mother cleaned before the war began. A nice German woman had paid my mother to clean her home and wash her laundry. It had been frowned upon that she would employ a Jew, but she did it for as long as she could. I remember she always had a treat for me.

The guard had forced me into the room and instructed me to remove my clothes. I had been here for days and I hadn't had a shower and my clothes were filthy, but I didn't want to remove them. My mother had made my shirt and it was all that I had left of her. Would they give it back?

I stood there nervous and uncertain. The guard must have grown impatient because he shoved me forward with the butt of his rifle.

"Entfernen Sie ihre kleidung," he repeated harshly.

I reluctantly removed my clothes, saving the shirt for last. After taking it off, I folded it up and tried to hang it on the side of the tub. I could wash it once I was done. The soldier grabbed it from the side and placed it with the others. I knew I would never see the shirt again.

The soldier indicated that I should get in the tub. I sank down up to my neck in warm water. I had been there for only a moment when the soldier left the room and he walked in the room.

This is man who killed my mother. I hated him yet at the same time I feared him more than I had ever feared anyone.

He walked to the edge of the tub and I started to shake. He rubbed the top of my head and smiled. I stared in horror as he sat on the edge of the tub.

"Are you enjoying your bath, young Erik?"

I tried to nod my head, but I had lost all control of my body. All I could do was shake.

He reached out and began rubbing my shoulder in a soothing motion that did nothing but make me shake harder. Tears ran down my face, and my breath came out in harsh gasps.

"Oh Erik, you have nothing to fear. I just want to see you do a trick."

He reached into the tub and pulled out a metal chain.

"See this? If you pull this, the water will be released from the tub. Such an easy trick; do it for me now."

I tried to pull the chain, but nothing happened. I hadn't been able to move even the smallest of things since the day he killed my mother. And he grew angrier each time I failed.

He watched me struggle for a few more moments before motioning me to stop.

"Erik, you disappoint me. I'm sorry, but my patience with you has run out. I'm afraid you need to be punished."

He smiled and reached out and touched the top of my hair, but instead of rubbing it as he did before he forcefully pushed me under the water.

I began to struggle violently against him, but he was too strong. Just when I couldn't hold my breath any longer he pulled me up by my hair.

I gasped for breath as he stared at me. I tried to get up from the tub, but he shoved me back in place.

He wasn't even out of breath when he spoke.

"Pull the chain, Erik."

I tried again, but before even a minute had passed he shoved me back under the water. Despite being muffled by the water surrounding me, his voice came through loud and clear.

"If you want to live Erik, you must pull the chain."

I knew I was about to die. My lungs were burning and I couldn't hold my breath, and then everything changed.

I was no longer in a tub, but in an ocean. The hands that had been holding me down were gone to be replaced by arms pulling me to safety.

I burst through the surface of the water and turned around to find myself staring at Charles. We were both gasping for breath but unbelievably we were safe. Shaw was gone and he was here. How had this happened?

Dream Charles must have had no qualms about reading my mind because he answered my unspoken question.

"I just couldn't see you suffer again, "he said.

This was a dream so I did what I had wanted to do when I saw Charles earlier today. I reached out and pulled him close to me. Unbelievably, Charles wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close as well. I wondered if this was the response I would have gotten if I had greeted him like this when he showed up at my door today.

"No," Charles answered. "But that doesn't mean that part of me doesn't wish that you had."

I reached out and touched his cheek. I let my hand slide into his hair and brought his face closer to mine.

"What if I had done this," I asked.

He remained silent, but his hand slid into my hair and his lips brushed against the side of my face before coming to rest on mine. It wasn't a kiss, just an exchange of breath, but it felt more intimate then anything I had ever felt.

Charles eyes burned into mine, and then I felt him slip into my mind. He sighed in what seemed to be relief and I tasted his breath on my tongue. It left me longing for more…more of him.

His eyes closed and any hesitation I might have felt slipped away with six words whispered into my mind.

"I want more of you, too."

I tunneled both hands through his hair and pulled him forcefully against me. My mouth devoured his. Our tongues and bodies rubbed against each other and I wanted nothing more than to drown in him. I felt his pleasure and he felt mine, but more than that I felt a sense of relief; like I had finally come home after being gone for far too long.

Suddenly, he pulled away. He used his hands to push at my chest and put at least a foot of distance between us.

I reached forward, but Charles pulled back shaking his head.

"This is wrong," he said emphatically. "I shouldn't be here." And then he disappeared.

"Charles," I screamed. I turned in the water searching for any sign of him and finding none. I dove under the water over and over again becoming breathless with the effort, but he was gone.

"Charles," I screamed again.

"Charles!"

I woke up gasping for breath and feeling like I had lost something essential. My throat was raw from shouting and I was lying on the floor tangled in blankets.

But with all that, there was something else I needed to remember, and I gasped when I was inundated with images of what I had just experienced. No one had died, but what happened had been almost as disturbing.

I had kissed Charles. I still had the taste of him and salt water on my tongue. And the most disturbing part of all, was that more than anything I wanted to do it again.

**Sorry this was late guys. **

**I know there's a big discrepancy between Erik's dreams and his reality, but sooner or later they'll merge…somehow.**

**Thanks to anonymous reviewer who pointed out I was misspelling Erik's name. Thanks for keeping the criticism constructive. And it was slightly blasphemous. My bad.**

**Were you surprised at Charles' reaction to Erik? Did you expect him to forgive him right away? How do you think Charles knew about Erik being there?**

**Next update will be next Sunday. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Warning: Graphic depictions of violence ahead; just a heads up.**

**I still don't own.**

I woke up from a fitful sleep early the next morning. The sun hadn't risen and the room was cold. I really needed a cup of coffee.

After I had woken from the dream, I had gotten off the floor and lay back down in bed. My mind had been a maelstrom of conflicting emotions as I tried to make sense of what I had just experienced. Charles had been in my dream. He had saved me from Shaw and a nightmare I had relived more times than I cared to remember. A nightmare I was very familiar with, but had never once ended the way it had last night.

I got up from the bed and went and turned on the furnace. I grabbed a change of clothes and then went to take a shower. I stayed in long enough to wash and give the house a chance to warm up before I jumped out and quickly got dressed.

Even though it had warmed up slightly, there was still a chill in the air so I went to the kitchen to start the coffee. As the water heated up, my mind drifted back to last night. I suddenly felt I was back in the cold water, Charles' mouth was against mine, my arms were wrapped around him and my body was rubbing against his as I tried to get as close to him as possible.

I shook my head, but it did nothing to rid me of the thoughts and desires that were unwanted complications I didn't need. Before last night's dream, I had never considered or wanted to be close to a man in a sexual way. But as I thought about Charles, and remembered how good he felt against me, I began to feel aroused.

I sighed in frustration. Why was I feeling this way now?

From the moment Charles had jumped into my life, I had viewed him and his presence with a certain amount of ambivalence. I had wanted to keep him at arm's length all the while being drawn to him in a way I had never felt before and couldn't fully justify. There was just something about him that drew people in, and in spite of all my walls I had never been immune. I, who was always been alone, had never felt lonely. Not until Charles had reminded me I didn't have to be.

"_Shaw's got friends," he had reminded me. " You could do with some."_

I gripped the edge of the counter and fought the urge to bang my head against the cabinet. This train of thought was pointless. The next time I saw Charles, if I ever got the opportunity, it would become clear that what I feeling now was a temporary result of what I had dreamed the night before and had no basis in reality.

Charles was important to me. He was once my friend and ally and I hoped he would be again. But that was all. Anything else was impossible for a lot of reasons.

The last thing I needed was another variable to make a complicated situation even more impossible. There was no point in dwelling on it any longer. It was simply a dream. It was time to move on.

I poured a cup of coffee and then got to work. I checked the phone and made sure it had been turned on. The realtor had assured me she would have it ready to use by the time I moved in.

I needed to contact Mystique and tell her my plans. I also needed to find out when she would be going back to the CIA. Since Azazel had left, I knew it might be a few days before she would head back to Washington. Azazel had said he would check in with Mystique frequently, but no firm schedule had been worked out.

It was only six o'clock in the morning. Costa Rica was two hours behind New York so I would need to wait a couple of hours before calling.

I passed the time by going through some of the remaining files. The name that kept coming up was Blackfoot. It was an instillation that was being built, but for what purpose it didn't say. There was little doubt that it had something to do with mutants because all of these files were related to mutants in some way. But what or where Blackfoot was, and how it related to us I could only guess.

I was relieved when after being routed by several different operators, I finally heard Mystique's voice. Her voice was faint and there was a delay on the line, but we were able to talk.

"How are things going, Erik?"

"As to be expected," I told her cryptically. "Has Azazel checked in yet?"

"He's here now. He's taking me to Washington today."

"While you're there, I need you to check into something. Find out everything you can about a new installation their calling Blackfoot; what it has to do with us and where it's located. I think it could be important."

"I'll find out what I can and I'll ask Azazel to give you an update."

There was a long pause. Just when I thought the call had been disconnected, Raven's voice came back over the static filled line.

"Have you been able to see Charles," she asked reluctantly.

"Yes," I answered. "I saw Charles and Alex. They dropped by yesterday."

I smiled derisively at myself. I was making it sound like they had simply dropped by for tea and a chat. It had hardly been a social visit.

"Oh, well that's good," she said hesitantly.

She seemed to want to say more, but instead of the sound of her voice only static filled the silence.

"I know you have a lot to do today," I finally said. " Just let me know what you find out. You have my number, but if it's anything pressing send Azazel."

"I will," she said simply and then the call disconnected.

The rest of the day was spent trying to keep busy. After reading the last of the files, I had lunch and then decided to inspect the woods at the back of the property.

The sun filtered weakly thorough the limbs of the birch and maple trees that made up the woods. Despite the fact it hadn't snowed since I got here, the forks in the trees still held remnants from a previous storm. And if the broken branches that littered the ground were any indication, it had been a bad one.

I was able to move in almost complete silence for at least an hour. The only sounds that I heard were my footsteps and the occasional whistle or chirp of birds as they called back to another through the trees.

I was beginning to wonder if I should turn around when I started to hear the sounds of cars in the distance. I followed it forward until I glimpsed the highway I could just make out through the trees.

I had covered at least five miles since leaving the house, so while I was not terribly close to the road its location was something to think about. It would be much too easy for a strike team to set a staging area from here. The house would be harder to defend then I once thought.

There was no need to hurry, so I walked at a more leisurely pace on the way back. I thought briefly of calling Charles when I got back, but quickly discarded the idea. Though it seemed like much longer, it had been less than twenty four hours since Charles had made it clear how he felt about my return. Although I knew I needed to reach out to him at some point, today was just too soon.

I had just gotten back to the house when the familiar sound of Azazel teleporting drew my attention. As soon as I saw his face, I knew something was very wrong.

"Has something happened to Raven," I asked urgently.

"No," he answered. "But she found out that a strike team was sent to Paris yesterday. I'm concerned it might be Emma. We need to go to her now."

I didn't ask any questions. I simply ran into the bedroom, grabbed my pistol, and then put on the helmet. As I touched Azazel's shoulder, I took a deep breath and readied myself for battle. Adrenaline surged through my body. And as I felt the familiar sensation of being pulled away, I wondered what exactly we would be walking into.

The moment we teleported into Emma's apartment I felt I had been brought back in time. For just a moment I wasn't standing in an apartment in Paris. Instead, I was back in my cell in the camps where the putrid smell of burning human flesh seemed to always fill the air.

"Emma," I screamed.

A new urgency propelled me forward through the apartment; Azazel right behind me. We split up, each of us calling Emma's name only to be met with silence.

I knew she was in the apartment. The iridium I had used to shape Emma's parting gift pulsed like a beacon. I followed it forward knowing what I would find, but hoping I was wrong.

I've always known hope was a waste of time.

I found her lying in the middle of the bathroom floor. The only way that I knew that it was her was the necklace I had made her was still secured around her neck.

Iridium's burning point was over four thousand degrees. It took extraordinary means to affect it in any way. But Emma wasn't that strong, even if she always believed she was.

I had seen dead bodies before. I had been responsible for many of those deaths. But I had never seen anything like this. Emma' body was a charred mass of flesh. The clothes that hadn't been burned completely had been melted to her body. Most of her hair had been burned and the little bit that still remained continued to smolder. Her nose and ears were melted away from her head. Fluid seeped from the various burns that covered most of her body.

The small bathroom seemed to be collapsing in on me. The smell was overwhelming, and I had to fight the urge to gag as my past and present collided in the most horrifying of ways.

"Fuck." I clenched my fists together and closed my eyes, but nothing could take the image of Emma's body from my mind.

"Azazel," I shouted as I went to Emma's side. I knew we were much too late, but I couldn't leave her exposed like this. I grabbed a towel hanging on the side of the tub and placed it across her body. The moment that it touched her skin, I watched in shocked disbelief as Emma's eyes opened and I found myself staring into liquid pools of blue.

I heard Azazel gasp behind me, but it barely registered. I knelt down at her side and watched as her jaw moved as she struggled to speak. I ripped the helmet from my head and asked her the one thing that mattered most to me at the moment.

"Emma, show me who did this to you."

She ripped into my mind. There was nothing elegant or subtle about it. It was a tsunami of images and emotion that swept away my consciousness leaving only Emma behind.

First, I was Emma as a child.

_I was looking up at a beautiful blonde woman who was reaching down to pick me up. Mother…I loved her so much. Her hugs always chased away the monsters. _

_Next, there was a boy. His name was Sam. He was my neighbor and I liked him a lot. He was bending forward to kiss me. I was nervous, but I liked him. He lips tasted like the vanilla ice cream we had just shared. He smiled when he pulled back. I smiled at him as well. I guess I had done okay. It was my first kiss._

_Fear and confusion when I realized I could hear people's thoughts; then horror and self-loathing when I felt my mother's fear of me. I was a freak. She knew it, and when I turned into my diamond form for the first time she stared at me with horrified fascination. "What are you," she asked as she backed out of the room. "Your daughter," I whispered as tears ran down my face and my sobs filled the air. I never saw my mother again. _

_Then running away, feeling so alone. Hungry and scared, using my abilities in any way I could to survive.__I was fifteen and had been on the streets for two years. I just wanted to feel safe again and then__ I finally found someone_ _like me who could accept me for who I was. He said I was special and beautiful, and that he could help me. His name was Sebastian Shaw. I realized much too late what a monster he was and then slowly I turned into a monster myself._

The images and feelings were coming faster and faster…and I experienced each one as if I was Emma. And then came the images I was waiting for.

_I was drawing my bath when I noticed a sudden blankness of thought. I normally could hear the consciousness of every person in the building. Even when I purposefully tuned them out I could still feel them, but suddenly I was alone. _

_I had just reached for my robe and put it on when suddenly the door flew open. Standing in front of me were two men. The one with white hair simply stood and stared at me…the other with red hair smirked at me as he eyed me up and down. Sparks started arcing between his two hands. My hair stood on end and the crackling of electricity filled the air. _

_The man with red hair stalked toward me. I tried to change forms and reach out with my mind to stop him, but for the first time in my adult life I was powerless. When he grabbed me around my throat and shoved me against the wall I fought back the only I had left to me. I kicked and punched and screamed. I reached out with my hand and tried to claw his eyes from his head. I tried everything in my power to get away from him, but for reasons I didn't understand I had only human means at my disposable. _

_Three long scratches appeared on the side of his face, but before I could do anything else he slammed my head back with such force I heard the tile break behind me. I held on to consciousness by a thread. For a moment, I lost the ability to fight back. _

"_Hello, Miss Frost. It's nice to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you."_

_I could only stand their frozen...helpless as any human would be, and feeling true fear for the first time since I had learned of Sebastian's death. _

_I watched as the man with the red hair reached out and curled my hair around his finger._

"_You're just as beautiful as they said." He grinned._

_Strength began flowing back into my limbs and I tried to knee him in the groin. He blocked me easily. Slamming my head against the wall again, he began to laugh._

_The other man spoke for the first time. _

"_Stop playing, Williams. I can only hold her off for so long. Time's running out."_

_The man holding me around the neck nodded and then slammed my head against the wall again. He let go and I slumped weakly to the ground. Then he touched my chest._

_For one moment I felt more pain then I had ever felt in my life. More pain then when Sebastian had to punish me. More pain then the CIA had ever put me through. More pain then I had felt as Erik held me up by my neck and tried to squeeze the life from me. _

_I screamed until just as suddenly as the pain had started, it was gone. And even though I knew I had just been burned, I felt cold to the core. The last voice I heard was the voice of the man with the red hair._

"_See, I told you Dutch. No matter how pretty they are, they all look the same once they burn."_

I gasped as I became myself again. Emma was still in my mind, but she was no longer a tsunami. She was a flickering flame fighting a wind that couldn't be stopped; a light about to be extinguished.

She weakened with every second that passed, but she refused to let go of my mind. She looked into my eyes and I looked back into hers, and when she died my mind felt torn apart. I knew I would never be the same.

Azazel's grim silence was a stark contrast to my screams that rent the air. No metal flew or even so much as trembled as I screamed out my anger and grief. I reached down and pulled the necklace from Emma's neck and then swept her up into my arms. I couldn't leave her here.

Before I could even think, I spoke

"Azazel, take us to the mansion in Westchester."

He nodded his head and silently took hold of my arm.

The last thing I saw before we were wrenched away was Shaw's helmet sitting in the place where Emma's body had just been. I wouldn't be coming back for it.

I never wanted to see it again.

**In case you missed it, the shit has just hit the fan. Things are going to get to be a lot more complicated from here on out.**

**RIP Emma.**

**Next chapter will be out next Sunday. Maybe sooner. Keep your fingers crossed. And if I'm ever late posting, check my profile page. I will always post any changes in update schedule there.**

**Please review. I'm so close to twenty. :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Still don't own.**

**Warning: this chapter is very verbose. **

One moment we were in Emma's apartment and the next I was standing at the entrance to Charles' estate.

I projected as loudly as I could.

"_Charles, I need you."_

I felt Charles' mind slam into mine. I felt as his suspicion slowly turned to horror as I tried to share with him everything that happened. What they had done to Emma, and everything she had shown me.

Then my thoughts shattered and I splintered apart.

_Why couldn't my mother accept me? Why did she leave me?_

No, my mother loved me. Shaw murdered her.

_Sebastian slapping me across the face when I failed to get him the information he needed. _

No, not me. Emma. Emma. I was not Emma!

All I could do to try and hold onto myself was to cling to the weight of Emma's body in my arms. She was the anchor that kept me from being swept away. As long as I held on to her, I had a reminder that we were separate. She was gone and I was still here.

_Looking down at Erik's face as he held me up by my neck. I slowly strangled. _

No. No. No.

A ringing filled my ears. Emma's body fell to the ground as I reached up and tried to pry an invisible band from around my throat. I dropped to my knees as the world started to fade around me.

"Erik," I heard someone call desperately. "Erik."

The ringing grew louder. It drowned out everything. And I continued to strangle.

I felt someone grab the sides of my face. And then I was looking into Charles' eyes. They glowed with desperate intent and even though the ringing never ceased I finally knew what he was saying.

"Erik, sleep."

And then I knew nothing at all.

* * *

I woke up and felt as if my head was coming apart. I tried to sit up, but a wave of nausea threatened to overwhelm me. The pain intensified and I clutched my head as if I could hold it together.

"Lie back down. You're only going to feel worse if you don't"

I turned my head to see Charles observing me from across the room. I looked around to see I was in one of the guest rooms at the mansion.

"How did I get here?"

"Azazel," Charles answered simply.

It was so strange to see him like this; so cautious with his words. Charles had always been so free with them. Now he guarded each one like a treasure."

"Where is he now," I asked. I needed answers.

"He's gone to try and gather the others. In light of what has just happened, we thought it would be a bad idea for anyone to be alone right now. At least until we figure out who is behind this."

My whole body tensed at the mention of the circumstances that had brought me here. Charles noticed.

"I know how you must be feeling, but I need to know exactly what happened, Erik. With your permission I would like to see what took place."

Old instincts kicked in and my guard went up.

"I thought I already showed you."

"You tried, but when you first got here tonight your mind was in pieces. I got some of Emma's memories and some of yours, but there's a lot that I still don't understand."

"You're just going to look at what happened tonight?" The last thing I wanted him to see was the dream I had the night before.

His smile was sad and I realized I had hurt him again.

"Yes, Erik. I'll only see what happened tonight."

Charles raised his hand to his temple and closed his eyes. I watched mesmerized as the different emotions chased across his face. I couldn't look away. When he finally opened his eyes, they shined bright with tears.

"Oh, Erik."

Those two simple words released a maelstrom of emotion. I clenched my eyes shut to prevent the tears that gathered there from escaping. I took a deep breath and tried to calm my emotions. When I opened my eyes I noticed he had moved closer…an arm's length away…but still too far.

I felt as if I were under compulsion as things I never intended to say came pouring out.

"I never knew, Charles. I never understood what it was like. I never thought about what her life was like before Shaw." I thought about how I had lost control after we got here and fought down a surge of panic. "What happened before…when it felt like she was taking over, that won't happen again?"

Charles shook his head. "No, it won't. What you felt after you got here was just an echo. It's like a person screaming into a room and then leaving. The echo of their voice would still be there even after they were gone, but eventually it does fade away. It just takes time. "

His expression turned grave. "You're not a telepath, Erik. You're mind didn't have the ability to separate and sort the information that Emma gave you. You're lucky you didn't go mad."

"I'm pretty sure I did," I told him seriously. "I felt like I was her, Charles. I felt her relief when she first met Shaw. I knew what it was like when her mother abandoned her." I laughed harshly. " I even felt her first kiss."

I sobered instantly when I thought about what had come next. "I felt her die, Charles."

"It will get easier," he reassured me.

"How would you know," I asked a little too harshly. Why was he always presuming to know how people felt? Being telepathic didn't make him omniscience.

His face that was filled with compassion turned instantly blank.

"Now isn't the time to get into this, Erik."

"So when is the time Charles," I asked angrily. "It wasn't yesterday when you came by. You barely gave me a chance to speak."

A myriad of emotions crossed his face before the only emotion that remained was anger.

"I know, because I felt Shaw die," he finally answered.

I looked at him blankly. "How?"

"I was holding him for you, Erik. I was connected to him telepathically. Of course I felt it when he died."

Charles' words were matter of fact, but his eyes told a different story. If he had told me this before today, it wouldn't have had the same impact. I simply wouldn't have understood. But to be connected to a mind like Shaw's as he died…How many different ways had I hurt this man?

Even though it could never be enough, I said the only thing I could.

"I'm sorry, Charles."

He looked at me, his face unreadable, and his next words left me with no doubt that he was reading my mind.

"You're right, Erik. It's not enough."

My emotions were raw and my chest felt tight. I wanted to be angry, to strike out, but the only thing I could do was feel a deep sense of regret.

I shook myself. There were more important things going on right now, and I needed to stay focused on that.

Before I could say anything, Charles asked a question.

"Did you have any plans for Emma's memorial?"

My whole body seized up as a picture of Emma's eyes shining out of her charred face flashed through my mind.

"No," I answered hoarsely. "I just knew I couldn't leave her there."

Charles gazed at me with sympathy. He leaned forward in his chair and reached his hand out before pulling it back sharply. He looked slightly uncomfortable, and cleared his throat before starting to speak.

"At the back of the estate there is an old cemetery. It hasn't been used in over a hundred years, but we could bury her and have the memorial there. The other option is to call the coroner. But then I would have to plant a plausible story in his head. I think taking care of things ourselves would be for the best."

"I agree," I said shortly. The thought of having to plant some lie in a humans head to explain Emma's death felt wrong. She needed to be here with her on kind; with those who knew the truth of what happened to her. We owed her that at least. But more than that, we owed her justice.

"Did you see the men that did this to her?"

"Yes, I did. It's quite apparent what Williams' ability is, but as to the other one…the only thing I can assume is that he is someone who has the ability to neutralize someone's power. And if that is the case, he is someone who is very dangerous. We need to find out who he's working for and why they are targeting mutants."

"I know who they're working for. The reason we went to check on Emma was because Raven was able to find out that the CIA was sending a strike team to Paris. What was done to Emma was sanctioned by this government, Charles. And they used mutants to do it. That is something we can't ignore."

"And we won't; but the first priority is to find the two mutants. Once we've done that, we'll know more about how to proceed."

I could see what Charles was trying to do. But at some point he would have to put aside his naïve notions of coexistence and deal with the reality that they wanted us dead. How many more of us would have to die before he saw the truth?

Charles regarded me in silence, before answering my unspoken question with one of his own.

"And how long will it be before you understand that violence shouldn't be the first option but the last resort?"

"I've already admitted I don't have all the answers, "I said angrily. "What did you think it meant when I came here?"

A reluctant smile formed on Charles' face. "I just assumed you thought we could wreak more havoc together then you could on your own."

I stared at him; surprised by his sudden humor. It was the first time I had seen him smile in months and it took my breath away.

I cleared my throat and tried to sound stern. "You assumed wrong."

Charles' grin slipped slowly from his face, and the conversation turned serious again.

"Finding them is going to pose a bit of a problem," Charles stated. "Do you have any ideas?"

"Raven's been gathering intelligence for the past few weeks, and with time I'm sure she could find something out. But I don't think that's time we have."

Charles agreed. "I actually have an idea, but it does involve a certain amount of risk."

I raised my eyebrows curiously.

"Cerebro; I know that getting in and out without being seen is going to be challenging, but if Azazel would avail me of his services I think it could work."

I could care less weather we were seen or not. In fact, I hoped we were.

Charles frowned. "You won't be going, Erik."

In a controlled voice I asked, "And who do you plan on going with you?"

"Azazel,for obvious reasons. And Hank, because I'll need him to get everything up and going; He'll also need to troubleshoot any issues that might arise."

"I think you're forgetting someone, Charles. I'm going to be there. If for no other purpose then to see that you don't get yourself killed."

Charles met my gaze steadily. "I think I can manage that fine on my own, Erik."

Before I could say anything in response to his lunacy, Charles' face turned blank.

"Azazel's back. He's brought the others with him. I'm going to let him know to bring them here."

Charles brought his hand to his temple and then Azazel, Riptide, Angel, and Raven appeared. Everyone looked tense except for Charles who looked pleased to see them.

"Hello, everyone," he said steadily.

As I watched Charles do his best to make everyone feel comfortable, I barely contained the anger that was boiling beneath the surface. I could understand why Charles didn't trust me, but if he believed nothing else he should be able to see that in this at least we had the same agenda.

While Charles was hooked into cerebro, searching for those two mutants, he would be completely vulnerable. He would need more than Azazel and a furry scientist if things went wrong.

Charles glanced up from his conversation with Raven, his lips twitched as he fought a smile.

'_Really Erik, a furry scientist; Hank is much more than that.'_

Charles' voice inside my head was almost enough to calm my anger…almost.

'_We're not finished discussing this," I responded._

I walked over to where the others were standing a little apart from Charles and Raven who suddenly seemed to be in serious conversation. Both were leaning forward with tense shoulders. Raven was whispering, but I could tell she was struggling to keep her voice down.

I knew this was a conversation they needed to have. What the outcome would be was anyone's guess.

Azazel turned his head from the scene before us with a puzzled expression on his face.

"I never had a sibling, but it seems to be a relationship fraught with drama," he stated.

As I looked at them, I could only agree. They were both so stubborn, each thinking their way was the only way; it was no wonder they had reached this stalemate. I wondered who would be the first to give ground.

"How did you end up convincing Raven to come," I asked curiously.

"If not for Angel, Raven would not be here. She was the one who convinced her."

I raised my eyebrows in question.

Angel smiled conspiratorially. "It wasn't that difficult. I just knew the right buttons to push."

I didn't know what she had done, but it had gotten Raven here and I was grateful.

I turned to Azazel and Riptide. I didn't know if they had been close to Emma, but they had been her associates for a long time. If anyone had a say in what happened to Emma, it should be them. I told them what Charles had shared with me; where he wanted to bury her. They agreed.

"Have you decided what is to be done with those who did this to her," Azazel asked grimly.

"Charles has an idea. It's a good one, but he'll need your help."

If Azazel was surprised to hear Charles wanted his aide he didn't show it.

"I will do anything to destroy the traitors who did this. If he wants my help, he has it."

"I will help as well," Riptide said.

I nodded my head in acknowledgment. I knew they would always be ready to fight for our kind. Unfortunately, Charles planned on a much smaller contingent.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around to see Raven had joined us. Charles was leaving the room.

Raven noticed my eyes trailing after him.

"He'll be back in a little while," she said. "He's going to break the news that we're all here. Hank already knows, but the others still need to be told."

Grimacing slightly, I remembered the reaction I had gotten from Alex the previous day. I didn't anticipate the others would be any happier to see me then he had been. I wondered how Moira would react; probably the same way I would react to seeing her…badly.

"Did Charles mention if Moira was still here," I asked casually.

"No," Raven answered. "When he gets back you'll have to ask him about it. I'd hate for you to leave your room for a midnight snack and run into each other in the hallway." Raven smiled wickedly. "Or maybe that wouldn't be so bad, as long as I got to watch what happened next."

Raven may have thought it was a laughing matter, but to me it was deadly serious. Moira was part of the reason Charles was in that chair. Charles might choose to ignore that fact, but I never would. As far I was concerned she was human, she worked for the agency that was responsible for killing mutants, and she didn't belong here. Whether or not I could tolerate her presence for Charles' sake remained to be seen.

Raven's voice put a halt to my inner debate.

"Charles asked me to show you to your rooms," she said to everyone. "Erik, this is yours. The rest of you follow me."

As I watched everyone file out of the bedroom, I sighed in relief. With a swing of my hand, I shut the door behind them and then sat down on the edge of the bed. It had been a long day, and I felt weary in a way I hadn't for a long time. I had been up since before the sun and the clock beside the bed read close to midnight.

I laid back in bed and shut my eyes. The pain in my head had subsided, but was still present. If I considered what had happened and what Charles had told me, I knew I was lucky to be alive and with my mind in one piece.

Charles had probably saved my life tonight. He had done that a lot since I first met him and I'd be damned before he went off on this mission without me.

I knew that Charles had every reason not to trust me, but what he didn't know…what I had to make him understand… was that I would never allow anything to happen to him again.

Charles had said he couldn't trust me because he thought there wasn't a line I wouldn't cross. But it wasn't that there was no line, it's just I hadn't acknowledged it yet. Or maybe, I hadn't realized the truth of it till now.

The line I would never cross again was hurting Charles. I would die before I saw him in pain, especially at my hand. I knew there was no way to make up for what I had put him through, but I hoped one day I might convince him that leaving him behind was a mistake I wasn't capable of repeating.

Charles' voice was suddenly in my head.

"_Erik, I'm at the door. May I come in?"_

I sat up, and swung the door open with a wave of my hand.

Charles came in and then moved close to the bed.

"How are you feeling, Erik?"

"Better," I answered honestly. "Raven told me you were meeting with the others. How did things go?"

"No one died, so I would say it was a success; though I would advise you to avoid Alex for the short term."

No surprises there. I decided to take Raven's advice and ask about Moira.

"What does Moira think of us being here?"

Charles visibly tensed in his chair.

"Moira doesn't know," he answered shortly.

So he was keeping it from her. I wasn't surprised.

Charles must have read my mind.

"Moira is back at the CIA. What we do here no longer concerns her."

"Of course it concerns her. All the evidence points to the fact that the organization she works for is responsible for Emma's death and the death of who knows how many other mutants. She knows about us Charles, and that is a concern."

Charles looked uncomfortable. He opened his mouth as if to say something before closing it again.

"_She doesn't know anything; not anymore. I took her memories of us."_

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. The fact he had done it was even more astonishing because he wouldn't even acknowledge it aloud. Instead, he whispered it into my mind like it was a dirty secret.

"Why," I asked needing to know what had brought him to that point.

"Letting her know about us was I risk I couldn't take," he said out loud. "She was the only one at the CIA who still knew about the mansion, and the plans I have to make it a school…a safe haven for mutants. The kids that are here...Sean and Alex, and the ones that will be coming; I owe them whatever I can do to ensure their safety. I know she would have never given us up willingly, but I had to be sure."

I tried not to seem to pleased at what Charles had done, but I wasn't going to pretend that I didn't see Moira as a threat. "I know you believed the best of her Charles, but you're wrong. Moira would give up her own mother if she thought it was in the best interest of this country "

"You're wrong, Erik," Charles stated fiercely.

"No, I'm not," I responded calmly. "And if you didn't really believe that as well she would still be able to recognize you if you passed each other on the street." I met his gaze with my own. "I know you probably feel guilty, but you shouldn't. You did what needed to be done."

Charles' eyes turned hard. "Is that how you justify your actions, Erik?"

"Some of them," I answered unrepentant. "There is something you need to understand, Charles. I will never feel the need to justify killing Shaw. It did need to be done. You know better than anyone how powerful he was, and no prison was going to hold him for long."

I took a deep breath to steady myself before continuing. I fought the urge to reach out and take Charles' hand.

"But I also know that for other things, there is no justification. Putting that helmet on…leaving you on that beach; at the time it felt reasonable. But I knew within minutes of leaving you that I had made a mistake. And for these last two months I've done nothing but try to justify the unjustifiable, till finally I gave up trying."

Charles gazed at me with unfathomable blue eyes. I wished I could read his mind.

"I'm sorry that you had to feel him die. I would like to be able to say that if I'd known what you were experiencing I would have stopped, but if I did it would be a lie. I didn't care about anything at that moment but killing a man who had murdered my mother, and tortured a boy till there was nothing left but hatred and rage."

"Every decision I made that day was colored by those emotions. Over a decade of searching for a monster, only to end up turning into one myself; but Charles, I don't want to be him. I know you don't trust me now, but don't give up on me and what I know we can accomplish together."

A myriad of emotions crossed Charles' face. They ranged from anger to hope and then settled on resolve. His next words ignored completely what I had just said to him.

"One of the reasons I came by was to let you know we would be leaving in an hour. I met with Azazel and Hank, before coming here."

Why did I get the feeling " we"' didn't involve me?

"Because it doesn't," Charles answered aloud.

"God dammit Charles, I need to be there!"

"No you don't. We have a plan that doesn't involve you, and if you want me trust you, than you need to trust me that it will work."

"You're going into a possible combat situation without you're best fighter. How can I trust a plan that's anchored in lunacy?"

"There isn't going to be any combat. The less people we have the more covert we can be and that's the goal. While I'm gone I trust you to keep the people here safe. We can't be sure that they're not aware that we're here. They need you, Erik. I don't."

Charles acted as if our conversation was over and he started moving toward the door. His obvious dismissal only made me angrier, and I stepped in front of him and dropped down so we were eye level. When he tried to move around me, I grabbed his arm.

He stared down at my hand and said in a calm voice.

"Don't make me force you to move Erik, because I will if I have to."

His voice was deadly serious, but I responded by moving closer till my face was mere inches from his. When I spoke, my voice was fierce.

"You win this time, Charles. I'll stay here and do as you ask, but remember one thing." As if drawn by some inexplicable force, I leaned forward until just like in the dream my breath mingled with his. "You need me as much as I need you."

Charles' breath came out with a gasp and it tasted just the same as it had in the dream. His eyes burned with blue fire and more than anything I wanted to lean forward and touch his mouth with mine. Instead, I pulled my hand away and stood up.

Charles moved through the door, but before he had gone too far there was something he needed to know.

"Charles," I called. He stopped his movement down the hall, but didn't turn around. "You better come back in one piece, because if you don't I'm going back there and I'm going to kill them all. Let me know as soon as you get back."

Charles nodded stiffly before continuing down the hallway. As soon as he rounded the corner, his absence hit me like a train.

This time, I was the one being left behind.

**Thanks to all my new reviewers. You got me to 21, and that's awesome. **

**This chapter was like pulling teeth. I hope it's not as painful to read as it was to write. Reviews keep me motivated to stay on schedule. Knowing that people are looking forward to updates, keeps me writing. **

**More death and destruction coming next chapter. And I'm hoping to include Emma's memorial somewhere amongst the mayhem. What type of flower do you think Emma would want on her casket? I'll include the one who gets the most suggestions.**

**Update comes next Sunday, July 29****th****.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Still don't own.**

**Warning: Violence and sorrow ahead...but some progress to I think. If this chapter had a title it would be, "Out of the Ashes rises hope."**

**I'm saying sorry in advance for any mistakes.  
**

Staying in the room was impossible after Charles left, so I made my way out to the hallway and decided to head to the kitchen. I wasn't hungry, but I could use something to drink.

As I walked the corridors, it felt surreal. Just twenty-four hours ago I didn't think it possible I would see the inside of this mansion again, but here I was and with everything that happened there was a dreamlike quality to the circumstances that I couldn't seem to shake. I felt the need to pinch myself, but instead shook my head to try and dispel the lingering sense of unreality.

I walked unerringly toward the kitchen. Even though I had only been here for a few short weeks I had used my free time to get to know the mansion well. It took some time, but there wasn't a section of this house I hadn't seen before. I always made a priority to evaluate the defenses of anywhere I was staying, and Charles' home hadn't been an exception.

My smile was grim when I realized Charles had placed me in a room that was as far from him as was possible while still being under the same roof. What was he trying to accomplish? Did he really think placing me in a separate wing of the house would deter me from seeking him out if that is what I wished to do? I knew Charles to be smarter than to believe that, so there must be some other reason. I wonder what he would say if I asked him for an explanation.

After a few minutes, I made it to my destination only to find Alex sitting at the table eating a sandwich. I walked over to the cabinet I knew held the glasses, and then poured myself a drink. I knew he wouldn't want to exchange small talk, so I did my best to ignore him and thought he would probably do the same.

"You've made yourself at home I see," he said angrily. "You've got a lot of nerve."

I turned around and gazed at him evenly.

"If you call getting a glass of water making myself at home, then I guess I am," I answered calmly.

Alex threw his sandwich onto the table and stood up abruptly. His eyes narrowed and I could see that he was trying to control himself, but was losing the battle.

"You're an asshole. What you did to the professor…." he clenched his fist and before I could react I felt it connect with the side of my face. I staggered back, but was able to dodge the next blow. Alex continued to try and hit me while I did my best to try and stay out of arm's length. The occasional blow made it through as I barely mounted a defense.

I could feel everything metal in the room. It was a force buzzing with untapped potential. As the assault continued, every instinct called for me to send something flying through the air. To stop the enemy by any means at my disposable…a fork, a knife, whatever it took.

But this wasn't an enemy, it was Alex. He was a teenager who felt angry and betrayed and I knew he had every right to feel that way. He needed this, and I couldn't bring myself to stop him.

Alex finally staggered backward, panting hard from exertion. I could taste blood in my mouth and the whole side of my face throbbed, but all that had little effect compared to the look of devastation on his face.

"You're a bastard," Alex panted. "Do us all a favor and do what you do best; leave."

Anything I might have said or done was pushed aside with the overwhelming weight of iron and steel that I suddenly felt moving toward us from the north end of the estate. Experience had taught me what would be the cause of such a sensation and I was filled with dread.

"Alex, get Sean." My voice was hard and left no room for argument.

Alex's eyes widened and he stood frozen in place.

"They've come for us; Get Sean now!"

For a moment I was tempted to go out onto the grounds immediately and confront the enemy who dared to come here. But Charles' words of less than an hour ago echoed through my head; _"They need you Erik, I don't."_

I knew that Charles had other motives for wanting to leave me behind that had nothing to do with defending this mansion or the people in it. But I also knew how much his charges meant to him and what he had done to Moira's memory was proof enough that he would keep them safe at any cost. I knew I needed to do the same.

I sprinted up the stairs behind Alex all the while monitoring how close they were getting to the house. For the moment, they were holding their positions. What they were waiting for, I could only guess.

When we arrived at the top of the stairs I grabbed Alex before he could sprint away.

"Bring Sean back to this spot and wait for me here. There are too many of them for you to take on alone. I'm going to get the others."

"Who are they," Alex asked.

"They're the enemy," I answered simply. "Now go!"

Alex took off toward the west wing of the house, while I went in the opposite direction running at full speed. I needed to get to the others.

When I got close enough to the rooms to be heard I shouted for them to come out.

Angel and Raven came out almost immediately, but Riptide was absent. Raven's relaxed demeanor changed the moment she saw my face.

"What's happened," she asked urgently.

"We have some unwelcome guests," I answered. "Follow me."

"Where is Riptide," I asked as they ran behind me as we went to meet the others.

"He said earlier he was going for a walk on the grounds."

"Fuck!" The last thing we needed at the moment was for any of us to be off on their own. I could only hope that Riptide wasn't caught unaware. Unfortunately, his gift wouldn't give him the same warning mine had given me.

Alex and Sean were waiting for us at the top of the stairs. Sean was still in his pajamas and his red hair was disheveled but he looked alert.

"What the hell is going on? What do they want," Alex asked.

To kill, to capture, and to study…In my experience they all wanted the same things. A large armament had been brought to our door and whoever was behind it and whatever purpose they hoped to accomplish needed to be stopped.

I looked at all their expectant faces that were filled with trepidation and was reminded again of how young they all were. But no matter how young, this was their reality. This was their world. And I wasn't going to hide the truth from them or try and make any less ugly then it was.

"They want to kill us, "I stated simply. " I don't know who they are, but I sense they've brought a small arsenal of weapons with them. They're holding at the north side of the estate, for now."

Sean's eyes widened in alarm; "What are we going to do?"

If it had been just me, that would have been a simple question to answer. But looking at all of their faces holding various degrees of nervousness and fear I knew I couldn't just march them onto the battle field to face an unknown enemy. As much as I would like to, I knew that isn't what Charles would want for them. And I didn't think they were ready for something like that

"Leave", I answered. "They're still holding their position. I don't know what they're waiting for, but it does give you all the option to get out."

Raven narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What about you?"

"I'll be staying here. Riptide is still out there somewhere and Charles and the others could come back at any time. I'm not going to let them be ambushed. I know Charles would sense their presence the moment he was here, but if those men out there make into this house Azazel would be transporting straight into the hands of the enemy. I can't let that happen."

"I'm not going anywhere without you," Raven responded stubbornly. "You can't fight them all on your own and my brother would never expect you to."

Alex spoke up. "I agree. I may not like you, but that doesn't mean I want you dead. Besides, this is our home; if anyone has the right to defend it, it's us."

Alex sounded determined and I inwardly rolled my eyes when I saw Sean nod his head in agreement.

I suddenly sensed movement coming from the front of the estate and the troops that were to the north were now moving in our direction. Just as it registered that the window of escape was rapidly shrinking, I heard the sound of a helicopter.

Time had run out.

"Let's go," I shouted. I ran down the steps and toward the front entrance with everyone following behind. Just as I opened the door, the helicopter sent a quick barrage of missiles streaking toward the mansion. I stopped them in midair and quickly turned them back on the chopper and watched with satisfaction as it exploded in air. I clenched my fist and pulled the pieces of shrapnel flying through the air toward me. I stopped them just before they reached us and then turned to everyone.

"Stay close to me," I ordered. "And watch the shrapnel."

Everyone grouped closer together and I sent the small pieces of metal from the chopper circling around us like a moving force field. I could use the pieces as projectiles if anyone got close, but I was also hoping that some of the larger pieces might help deflect some of the bullets that might be coming our way. Depending on how what we were facing, I didn't know if I would be able to deflect them all.

The troops to the north were now steadily moving toward the mansion and I knew we couldn't allow them inside. I motioned for the others to follow me and then jogged forward. When we got to the corner of the house I held up my hand for everyone to stop and then tried to see who was coming. I could still sense the weapons, but there was no moon and it was very dark. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't see any sign of the enemy.

"Do you want me to fly up to the roof and see if I can spot anything," Angel whispered urgently.

"Yes," I answered reluctantly. "I can sense them at the back of the property," I told her pointing to the north. "Go up there and scan the area and then come back. Don't allow yourself to be seen."

She nodded her head and then unfolded her wings. I momentarily stopped the spinning metal and then watched as she flew up silently until she reached the roof top and had stepped over the edge. In the five minutes that she was gone I could sense the them creeping closer, but could still see nothing. Even with no moon they should have been in sight by now. Something wasn't right.

I finally saw Angel peer over the edge of the roof and then she came down to stand in front of me.

"Were you able to see anything," I asked.

Her brows were knitted together in confusion. "I couldn't see anyone…but I thought I could see the grass moving. It's like someone's walking through it, but no one's out there."

My whole body went tense as I felt the shock of what that meant. A mutant must be with them and he had somehow rendered them all invisible.

"Stand back against the wall," I shouted.

Everyone immediately slammed their backs against the side of the mansion and I threw the shrapnel out in a semi-circle. I heard an indrawn breath to my left before someone flickered into view about thirty feet away from us. His body was riddled with holes and an ever widening pool of blood surrounded him. He had been dead before he hit the ground. My only regret was that we wouldn't be able to extract information from him.

It was then I looked around the corner and was met with the full extent of what we were facing.

Walking across the field was a contingent of hundreds of soldiers. They looked at one another in surprise as they must be realizing they were now visible.

"Take cover," one of them shouted, but it was much too late. They had made it halfway to the house and they were too far from the woods to find sanctuary there. It would be so easy to kill them; too easy.

'_Be the better man, Erik.'_

God dammit; now wasn't the time for this. I wanted so badly to turn their guns against them…to bathe these grounds with blood…to make them pay for daring to come here. But I knew that if I did those things Charles would never understand and it would be an action Charles wouldn't condone. So instead of doing what came naturally, I did what was difficult. I let them live.

After lifting a submarine from the ocean and turning back hundreds of missiles, this would be child's play. With a twist of my wrist I wrenched their weapons from them and turned them back in their direction. The unfortunate ones who had guns slung across their backs or in holsters were dragged across the ground until the strap broke or their shoulders separated allowing the weapons to pull free of them. Groans of agony filled the air and several men rolled around on the ground in pain.

Some of the soldiers ran but most stared as if mesmerized by the weapons that hovered in front of them.

These humans had no instinct for survival it seemed. I guess they needed a little prompting.

"I think it's time for you to go now," I shouted across the field. Then taking one of the machine guns and pointing it at the ground I released a barrage of bullets. This action at least sent them running. They reminded me of cockroaches running for cover after a light had been turned on.

As I watched them run into the forest I realized there was unfinished business to take care of; where was Riptide?

Focusing on the soldier who shouted the order to take cover I grabbed hold of him and jerked him back toward me. He struggled against the pull, his fingernails digging into the ground, but it did him no good. He was quickly sitting in front of me. I quickly took two of the guns and wrapped one around his ankles and the other around his wrists. I then punched him in the face knocking him out instantly. Charles would be able to find out more than I could; though my methods of information gathering would be much more fun.

As the soldier slumped to the ground, Sean spoke up. "That was the baddest thing I've ever seen," he said in awe.

I turned around to see Sean grinning widely at me. Alex was shaking his head and lightly punched Sean in the shoulder. I felt the beginnings of a smile form when suddenly the night exploded in flame.

The shock wave sent us flying through the air. The impact of me hitting the ground took my breath away, but even as I struggled to breathe I looked around frantically for the others. I saw Alex, Angel and Raven struggling to get up, but Sean lay motionless on the ground and behind him the mansion burned.

"Sean," I shouted frantically. Everyone converged to the place where Sean was lying motionless face down on the ground. The immediate injury I saw was a large piece of glass that was buried inches deep just below his right shoulder blade. Blood was seeping slowly from the wound, but more than the blood loss I was concerned whether or not his lung had been punctured. I placed my ear against his back and was relieved to hear even breaths and not the gurgling sound that was a sure sign that his lung had been damaged and his breathing compromised.

"Be alright Sean…please be alright," Alex said. I looked up to see Alex reach out seemingly to pull the glass from Sean's back. I grabbed his hand before he could accomplish his goal.

"Leave it in there," I ordered. "It could be the only thing keeping him from bleeding out."

I looked up at the burning mansion, windows had been blown out and one whole side of Charles' home was now in flames. And that is what Azazel would be transporting them into.

"Charles," I whispered. It came out sounding like a prayer.

Raven and Angel knelt beside Sean with a dazed expression on their faces. Alex stood frozen a few feet away before suddenly running to the soldier who was still unconsciousness on the ground and began kicking him.

"What did you do," he screamed. He kicked him again before I pulled him away and held him as he struggled against me. "This is our home, you bastard. This is our home."

Alex began to sob as I held him firmly in place. I didn't know what to do in the face of so much grief. He needed Charles and I was a very poor substitute. I couldn't offer him comfort, but I could give him a purpose and sometimes comfort could be found in that.

"Alex," I said gruffly giving him a little shake. "Azazel is going to be bringing Charles and Hank back into that house. I need your help to keep that fire from spreading. Get yourself together and come with me."

Alex wiped his face roughly with the sleeve of his shirt and then nodded his head.

"Raven, Alex is coming with me. Stay here with Sean and send Angel for us if his condition changes. Angel, I need you to keep an eye on the tree line and take care of anyone who might come out. Do what you have to and stay safe."

Angel and Raven both nodded and then Alex and I began to jog toward the west entrance of the house. Before we turned the corner, I pulled all the guns together forming a huge ball of steel. I didn't want to have to worry about them being used against our kind again.

We continued to run toward the opposite side of the house. It was where the garden was located and once we were there it looked as if nothing had happened. The fountain at its center continued to gurgle and its soothing sound was a stark contrast to the rest of the night's events.

Just as we were entering the house my mind was suddenly filled with him.

'_Get out',_ I projected to him urgently.

I briefly felt Charles' alarm before he finally responded. _"I'm safe. We're with Sean."_

I looked over at Alex and could tell by the relieved look on his face that Charles must have reassured him as well.

As Alex and I ran back to where the others waited for us, Charles' presence was weighty in my mind. But instead of feeling intrusive, it was comforting; like the thick quilt my mother always laid over me on cold winter nights. I never wanted him to leave.

As soon as Charles came into view a tension I hadn't even realized I was carrying melted away. He looked up from where Hank was now tending to Sean and I noticed that Charles had dried blood around his nose. For the first time tonight I had time to wonder what Charles might have been through while he was gone.

'_What happened to you,'_ I asked him angrily.

'_Now is not the time, Erik," Charles said gently. 'We need to focus on Sean.'_

Charles looked back down at Sean and as I got closer I was relieved to see that he was conscious.

"How is he," I asked.

"He's going to be okay," Hank answered. "But we need to get him somewhere where we can get this glass removed and get him stitched up. I don't want to take it out till were in a more secure environment," he added looking around alertly. The hair on the his neck and back were standing straight up and despite the gentle way he was tending to Sean he looked very much like a predator.

'_Charles,'_ I thought. He looked up at me and as soon I was sure I had his attention I made him an offer. _'If you're willing to trust me, I have a place we can go…somewhere safe.'_ I sent him a picture of the compound in Costa Rica. The house, the grounds, and the jungle; all the things I thought would provide him the sanctuary he needed. _'Come with me, Charles…please.' _

Charles regarded me silently and I wished once again that I could read his mind. After a moment, he nodded his head silently. I had never felt so relieved as I did at that moment.

"Who do you want to go first," I asked him.

He addressed Azazel directly. "Can you please take Hank and Sean first?"

Azazel looked at me curiously. "Take them to Costa Rica; the spare bedroom closest to the study," I told him.

He nodded and then waited for Hank to get Sean ready before they disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Charles looked at Alex and I could tell that he was speaking to him. Alex looked so much older than he should. His body language and eyes spoke of a weariness that no teenager should be experiencing.

A few moments later Azazel appeared again ready to take us back to a place that I had left a few short days ago. So much had happened that it felt like years since I had last been there.

Charles looked down at the ground where the unconscious soldier still lay. "So is it safe to assume he's coming with us," Charles asked mildly.

I pointed my fingers at my head and wiggled them like Charles had done in the past.

"Unless you can pluck the information out of his head right now, then I'm afraid we must."

Raven, Angel, and Azazel all watched intently as Charles brought his fingers to his temple and closed his eyes.

"The mutant that was here…his name was Lewis. It was his job to plant the explosives and extract me if he could; everyone else here was expendable.

Charles winced and gripped the arm of his wheel chair. His eyes were clenched tightly as he searched the man's mind for information. "They had never met Lewis before," he continued "…Lewis met them at Fort Drum three days before the mission. None of them had ever seen a mutant before, though they had been debriefed of what we were and how he would be helping them. Lewis liked to show off his ability and was always cracking jokes, but they were frightened of him…of what he could do."

Charles winced again and I became alarmed when blood started to trickle from his nose.

"Charles, stop this," I commanded. "You're hurting yourself."

Charles answered into my mind. "_I'm almost done."_

Along with his words I felt a sharp stab of pain. I realized my words were not helping him, but only making it harder for him to concentrate. As hard as it was to see like this, I knew he was only doing what he must.

"They saw Riptide walking across the grounds" Charles informed us. "He must have heard them in the woods...he looked suspicious. Lewis became invisible and then he watched as Riptide fell to the ground. His throat was cut."

Charles opened his eyes and they were filled with sorrow. "I'm sorry…he's dead."

Azazel screamed out and was suddenly on top of the soldier. The others watched in horror as the tip of his tail buried itself in the his flesh again and again. It was too late to do anything but watch as Azazel meted out justice for Riptides murder.

Azazel turned to Charles with a murderous expression. "Where did they take him?"

Charles pointed to a patch of woods not too far from where we all stood. Azazel disappeared instantly.

Shortly after he was gone a scream rent the night. Angel and Raven wept softly and Alex looked dazed. And as I watched the young people around me start to fall apart, I felt an all-consuming rage began to burn that put the flames engulfing the mansion to shame.

Suddenly I felt Charles in my mind. I could sense a pain he was trying to keep from me but more than that I felt his fear for me.

'_Don't give into it, Erik. Don't lose yourself. Stay with us.'_

'_They did this Charles. They have to pay.'_

'_But not now; stay with us,'_ he repeated. _'We need you…I need you.'_

With those words, the rage simply vanished. I had told Charles earlier tonight that he needed me as much as I needed him. He was finally admitting what I had known all along. He needed me, and justice could wait.

Azazel appeared in front of us carrying Riptides body. "We must go," he said simply.

We all linked up and then we were standing in my study.

"I'm going to take him to his family," Azazel said gruffly. "That is what he would have wanted. But I will return in two days. I'm going after the people who did this," he vowed. "I hope you will come with me."

Before I could answer, he disappeared. I looked over to find Raven in Charles' arms weeping softly. Alex and Angel sat on opposite ends of the sofa with shell shocked expressions. The story of tonight's battle was written across their faces.

Raven got up and sat beside Angel, wrapping an arm around her. Alex went to stand beside Charles.

Charles suddenly smiled. "Sean is awake. He's going to be okay and he wants to see us."

As I lead them down the hallway into the room where Hank and Sean were waiting I felt weary beyond measure. I still needed to find out what had happened to Charles. Had he been able to find Emma's killers? I was beginning to wonder if this day would ever end.

* * *

The sun was just beginning to rise. I walked through the back doors and onto the veranda that surrounded the house. I was running on two hours of sleep and a pot of coffee. I should probably be in bed, but sleep was impossible when all I could think about was what had happened and what was to come.

By the time everyone had gotten settled last night it had been almost four in the morning. Charles, Hank, and I had stayed up after the others had gone to bed so they could share with me what had happened once they reached Cerebro. It turns out they had experienced problems as well.

Charles had been hooked into Cerebro and had made contact with the mutant who had cancelled out Emma's power before she was killed. The moment Charles had touched his mind, Hank had explained that Charles had momentarily lost the ability to interface with the machine and had become overwhelmed by the amount of data that Cerebro was relaying through his mind. Hank had been unable to separate Charles' consciousness from the machine for fear that it could damage his mind irreparably. He had watched helplessly as Charles fought to free himself from the grip of the other mutant. It had been over an hour before Hank could safely separate Charles from Cerebro and the mutant's grasp.

"All I was able to get," Charles said regretfully" is that his location is somewhere in Montana. He is very dangerous…and very powerful. His only weakness that I could see is that he can only focus his power on one person at a time."

After hearing from Hank what Charles had been through, and seeing the state he was in when he had gotten back, I was amazed Charles had been able to learn as much as he had. I knew that with Azazel's help we would be able to find the mutant responsible for killing Emma and I wouldn't rest until they were dead.

I was startled out of my thoughts when a howler monkey suddenly jumped from a limb less than five feet from where I was standing.

I glared at him, but he looked back unimpressed.

"If you knew who I was, you would be frightened," I told him aloud and then shook my head impatiently at my own foolishness. I was starting to talk to monkeys, so I must finally be losing my mind.

The monkey screamed loudly before retreating further into the jungle. Close to where he had been sitting, I noticed a group of white flowers jutting out from one of the forks of the tree. I walked forward and reached up pulling one of them away from the rest. It was an orchid.

I had never seen anything like it. It resembled a starfish but for the center of it which reminded me of a heart. Even without holding it close to my face it released a beautiful scent. Without consciously thinking about it I brought it closer and inhaled deeply. Emma would have liked this.

I was startled once again when someone cleared their throat. I turned around to see that Charles was sitting on the veranda. I had left the doors open and I hadn't heard him come in.

He looked between me and the flower with a bemused expression on his face.

"What are you thinking about," he asked puzzled.

I smiled at him amused. "That's not the sort of question I would expect from a mind reader."

He smiled back. "I've decided to be a courteous telepath today and leave your mind alone for the moment. But I am curious," he admitted. "I don't think I've ever seen you stare at a flower so seriously before." He smile grew wider. "Or stare at a flower at all, as a matter of fact."

My smile faltered a moment while I considered how I should answer him. If I wanted him to trust me, honesty was the best policy. But what I was starting to feel was so new it was hard for me to express it. I had never wanted to share myself with someone before and even though I found myself wanting to now…with him, it wasn't easy. I suspected it never would be.

"Emma," I answered finally. "I caught sight of this orchid and it reminded me of her. This is what she might have wanted at her memorial; if we could have had one for her," I added angrily. Their wouldn't be a memorial for Emma; the fire in Charles' home had finished what the mutant Williams had started. There was no body left to bury.

Charles tried to keep his voice light when he responded, but his eyes held the same sorrow that I was feeling. "I was thinking roses; beautiful but with those thorns."

I smiled at his logic. "Yes…roses would have been good as well."

"You really cared about her didn't you," Charles stated suddenly.

"Not really," I said honestly. "In fact, within twenty-four hours of getting her out of custody I tried to kill her twice…and I felt the urge to kill her more than that."

Charles looked shocked to say the least, and I could have left it at that but I knew that wasn't the whole truth.

"But the answer isn't that simple," I told him reluctantly. "I didn't trust her, she worked for Shaw, she pushed my buttons…but I admired her. Especially after what I learned about her life…she was a survivor. I can honestly say I'm sorry she's gone. She deserved a chance to build that life she wanted; we all deserve that, Charles."

I walked toward him as he gazed up at me with a serious expression. I knelt in front of his chair and my eyes met his.

"That day…on the beach you said we didn't want the same things, but you've never told me what you do want," I frowned suddenly before admitting, "I never really took the time to ask. But I'm asking now; what do you want, Charles?"

He tried to look away from me, but I grabbed his chin and turned his face back to me. I knew that the action crossed a line, but I barely cared. I wasn't going to let him hide from me.

My fingers lingered on Charles' face before he jerked his head back abruptly breaking the contact. His voice was rough and weary when he finally answered.

"Right now, I just want a safe place for children like Alex and Sean. A sanctuary for children like the child Emma once was. A place that is safe from hatred and predators like Shaw. Somewhere they can learn to be proud of who they are while learning to harness their abilities."

"You must know that's not enough, Charles. It does no good to do the things you're talking about if you don't address the human problem. Your home was just destroyed. Sean was injured. And if they had gotten what they wanted they would have taken you. We have to strike back, Charles. I know that's not what you want, but there comes a time you have to fight…what will it take for you to admit that," I asked angrily.

"You think I don't know that," he answered suddenly enraged. His face was flushed and his eyes were shooting daggers at me. "Don't think for a moment that yesterday's events are something that I'm going to ignore or forget. But I'm also not going to declare war on the whole human race because some of them want us dead." He shook his head bitterly. "And to think, I thought you might finally understand what it's like for me….I should have known better."

I clenched my fist in frustration and fought the urge to send the patio furniture flying into the jungle.

"Then tell me Charles…help me understand."

"In Cuba," he said slowly. He took a deep breath and then his eyes met mine. "The only thing you saw was the missiles, but I saw everything." His eyes were shining bright as he struggled to try and find the words to express himself. "I felt some anger from the people on the ships, but mostly it was fear. Boys who were barely eighteen were wondering if they would ever see their mothers again; men were picturing their wives and children. One of the men had just got word that his wife had given birth; he didn't want his son to have to grow up without a father. Many were praying, but mostly they could think of nothing more than survival. They just wanted to live."

"That is how it's always going to be for me, Erik. And I hoped that what you went through with Emma would help you understand why I will never be able to view someone as just an enemy…as something disposable. We're all so much more than that."

I sighed in exasperation. How could I make him understand?

"I do understand a little more than I did before and I don't want you to change. And if you think I want you out there mowing down people indiscriminately you couldn't be more wrong. In fact, I think I should strive to be more like you rather than the other way around." I looked away before meeting his gaze intently. Before I could change my mind I said quickly, "I happen to like you the way you are, Charles Xavier."

He eyed me skeptically. "I think I've heard the words stubborn, naïve, and arrogant attached to your thoughts regarding me. Those don't sound like very likable traits to me, my friend."

I laughed. So he had picked up on that. I wondered what else he might have heard.

"I've thought those things," I admitted. "But there's quite a bit I like about you that outweighs the qualities you just mentioned.

Charles' smile broadened till it lit up his whole face. It took my breath away, and I tried hard not to look as dazed as I suddenly felt.

"And what exactly do you like," he asked cheekily.

It was somewhat embarrassing how much I wanted to wax poetic at that moment, but instead I leaned in a little closer. "I'm not that good with words, so why don't I show you."

I moved in quickly and registered Charles' shocked expression before closing my eyes and pulling his mouth against mine. To say it was better than anything I had ever experienced was an understatement. When I felt Charles grab my hair and pull me closer I almost lost control.

It was a far different experience than any kiss I had shared with a woman. Charles' mouth wasn't yielding; it was just as demanding as mine. It was lips and tongues and warm wetness. It was moans and ragged breath. It was fast and hard, but at the same time Charles' lips were the softest I had ever known; they were a huge contrast to the hard stubble I felt as his chin rubbed against mine. My face would probably be red later, but I didn't care. I wanted him to mark me and I wanted to mark him.

I was lost in sensation when Charles suddenly pulled away from me. His voice was heavy as he gasped out, "Why did you do that."

I studied his face and was pleased to see his lips were swollen and his chin was red from my day old growth of beard. There were a lot of ways I could answer that question, but I didn't want to waste time with words so I kept it short.

"I did it because I wanted to."

And then I kissed him again.

**This chapter was a monster. Over six thousand words...the longest chapter I've EVER posted.**

**Sorry for the delay, but real life and yada, yada, yada. My daughter is finished with summer camp and doesn't start back to school for two weeks, so finding time to write will be difficult. The next chapter won't be out until at least Sunday August 19th.**

**Thanks to all of you who voted on the flowers. I didn't use then in a traditional way, but I liked the way it turned out. I hope you did as well.**

**If you liked this chapter, let me know. Reviews are the fuel for the engine of my mind. :) Till next time. **


	13. Chapter 13

**Still don't own.**

**I'm sorry in advance for any mistakes.  
**

**We finally get some answers**.

I don't know how long we kissed, but it ended much too soon.

When Charles pulled away I thought he was trying to once again put distance between us, so when he took my hand I was pleasantly surprised. He gently linked a hand with mine before his other hand started tracing circles on my palm, then my wrist. I watched fascinated as he slowly started to push the sleeve of my shirt upward, but my whole body tensed when I realized what he was seeing.

Charles leaned forward and rested his forehead against mine. Never letting go of my arm his eyes stared into mine. "Please, Erik," he whispered.

I took a deep breath and tried to release the tension from my body. I looked down and saw that with every inch of skin that was revealed, a myriad of scars came into view. I felt exposed in a way I had never experienced before. I wanted so badly to pull away, but this was Charles. I wanted to trust him with all my scars and really…the physical ones would be a lot easier than the others.

Charles never paused and I soon realized that he had a goal in mind. His finger touched the top of a long jagged scar that started at the middle of my bicep and ran to just below the crook of my elbow. I watched as he traced up and down the mark. It was an odd feeling; the gentleness of Charles' touch mingling with memories of remembered torment.

I looked up from Charles' hands to his eyes. I wasn't prepared for the maelstrom of pain I found in them, and I immediately recoiled.

I jerked my arm away from him and shoved my sleeve back down. Turning away, I walked to the edge of the veranda and stared unseeing out at the jungle. Old habits die hard and I couldn't stop the anger I suddenly felt. "I don't want your pity, Charles."

It was evidence of my inner turmoil that I turned around to see that Charles had followed and was right behind me. I should have sensed his chair as soon as it started moving in my direction.

Charles reached out tentatively and grabbed my hand. "I don't pity you, Erik. I admire you more than you can know." He hesitated. "I was just hoping that it hadn't really happened. I needed to know for sure."

"What do you mean," I asked suspiciously.

He looked like a man about to confess some great sin. "I saw when Shaw did that to you. I saw you strapped to that wall. I saw him cut you and I heard you scream."

I pulled my hand from his and shook my head in denial. I didn't want to believe what he was saying…that he had seen me like that.

"How," I asked.

"I don't know where to begin," he said.

"At the beginning," I told him simply.

He took a deep breath and his whole body tensed. He clenched his hands together and then slowly started to speak.

"I sensed your presence before you even got off the plane. I didn't understand why you were there. Part of me wanted to reach out and learn why you were coming, but mostly…I just wanted to ignore that you had come." His blue eyes darkened with remembered pain. "After all that had happened, it hurt that you were so close."

I wanted to reach out and comfort him in some way, but everything about is body language told me to stay away. I held my breath as Charles continued.

"For the rest of the night I tried to ignore you, but you were always there on the periphery. I played chess with Hank, I read a book, and I even played solitaire. I did everything I could to keep my mind busy…to keep my mind off of you."

"But then that night it happened. I felt your pain, Erik. It was so strong I thought that you were being hurt. That maybe you had gotten caught up in some business for your Brotherhood and something had gone terribly wrong."

"I don't even remember consciously making the decision to reach out to you. But then I was in your mind…and in your nightmare. I saw everything, Erik, and I just left you there. I pulled away and erected every barrier I could to block you out." His voice was full of anguish. "I was so angry. After everything that had happened I still wanted to save you and I resented you for it; for making me feel that way."

"For the rest of the night I agonized over what I had done and the more I agonized the angrier I became. The next morning I went into your mind, and I found out where you were staying and what your intentions were. When I saw that you wanted us to work together again I was furious. It was too late, and I wanted to make that clear to you."

I had wanted Charles to tell me the truth, but it was almost too much to hear. To know that Charles was so filled with anger and I had put it there was more then I could take. But Charles, for once oblivious to my thoughts, kept talking.

"So I enlisted Alex to take me to where you were staying. After we talked, I was sure you would leave…go back to where you had come from, but you didn't. You stayed and I couldn't shut you out." He laughed bitterly. "I even wished that you would put that damn helmet back on. Just so I could finally have some peace."

"Then that night it happened again. I felt your fear and I saw Shaw shoving you under the water. I couldn't leave you there with him, and as much as I wanted to not care, I still did."

"When I was in your dream…when you embraced me and we kissed... all I could think was, 'This is what could have been, but it's just too late.'

I knelt down in front of him and held his face between my hands. "It's not too late unless you want it to be."

Charles shook his head resignedly. "There are times when I'm so angry with you that all I want to do is lash out and hurt you any way that I can," he hesitated, "but then there are other times when just the thought of letting you go hurts more than anything you could possibly do to me. But I don't think you understand, Erik. We have such a capacity to hurt one another."

"That's not all we have," I reminded him angrily and then leaned into kiss him. It was a kiss that was filled with frustration and fear. For all the progress I thought we had made I could hear goodbye in every sentence that Charles spoke; a resignation that this could only end one way. I wouldn't let him have the last word. So everything I wanted to say and couldn't was said in that kiss, and I could only hope that he understood.

"Charles," I said harshly after I pulled my lips from his. "I'll give you all the time you need to figure things out, but if you want this…if you want me, you have to fight."

I stood up and walked away. Just before I left the veranda to go back inside I turned around. Charles stared after me with a look of utter defeat on his face.

I knew my anger at that moment was unjustified. Logically, I knew what Charles was feeling was understandable. He was leery and he had every right be.

But the fear I was experiencing at the moment wasn't logical at all and it made me lash out.

"I've never known you to be a coward, Charles."

I didn't wait to hear his response. I just walked away before I could say anything else I would regret.

I walked as quickly as I could to my study and shut and locked the door behind me. I didn't sit down at my desk, but walked over to the couch and sat down. Leaning my head back against the soft cushion, I closed my eyes feeling more weary then I could remember feeling in a long time; and it wasn't just from lack of sleep.

So much had happened over the last few days. Emma and Riptide had been killed, Charles' home had been attacked, and we were fighting an unknown enemy who had mutants working alongside of them whose mission was to destroy us. I smiled mirthlessly; So much for the Brotherhood.

I had always accused Charles of being naive, but I now understood that I had been as well. Mutants versus humans, us against them; It wasn't that simple and it never would be.

We needed to figure out where to go from here. Charles had found the mutant who had helped kill Emma in Montana. I knew very little about the area, but given enough time and with Azazel's talent I was confident we would find him; I just wasn't sure time was something we had in abundance. If they were actively seeking us out, they could bring the fight to us before we were ready. And that was a situation I wanted to avoid.

My solitude ended with a knock on the door. I didn't bother to get up and waved my hand to unlock the door.

"Come in," I shouted.

Raven came in and the moment I saw her face I was on my feet. I had seen that look many times before, and it always occurred right before she hurt someone.

"What did you say to my brother," she asked angrily.

I narrowed my eyes, but otherwise didn't react. "I don't see how that's any of your business" I tried to sound unaffected. "In fact, I'm fairly certain he can take care of himself."

She clenched her fists and took a step closer. "If you believe that, then why did you call him a coward?"

My voice turned icy. "Did Charles tell you that?"

"No," she admitted. "But I overheard what you said." She threw her hands up in the air and eyed me incredulously. "I don't know what led up to that comment, but what the hell were you thinking, Erik. Haven't you hurt him enough?"

My whole body tensed as I fought the urge to lash out at her. I wanted to tell her to shut up: I wanted to throw her out of the study: I wanted to remind her that she had hurt him too; but in the end all I could do was state the simple truth.

"Yes, I have," I answered raggedly.

Her eyes studied me curiously as she tried to puzzle out my change of demeanor. Before she could question me, I changed the subject.

"Azazel is coming back tomorrow," I reminded her quickly. "We have a lot to discuss before he gets here. Can you ask everyone to meet here in twenty minutes?"

She stared at me, a puzzled expression on her face. After a moment, she finally nodded her head and turned to leave the study.

As soon as she walked through the door, I closed it behind her. Reaching into my pocket I pulled out the bullet I carried with me. This small piece of metal would be a fitting symbol for every unintended hurt I had inflicted on Charles. I hadn't intended for him to be shot, but it had happened. I hadn't wanted to do anything but destroy Shaw, but I had caused Charles to suffer through the death of a mad man. I had wanted to save our kind from the humans who wanted to destroy us, and in the process I had almost destroyed the best man I had ever known.

I clenched my eyes shut to block the unexpected flow of tears and remembered again the words that I had spoken to Shaw. '_You are my creator._'

All I had brought to Charles' life was pain. How could I have ever thought I could be capable of anything else?

Raven was right; I had hurt him enough. I needed to let him go.

A few minutes later everyone started to trickle in. Sean and Alex came in first and sat on the sofa I had just vacated. Angel and Raven came in next. Last, Hank came in closely followed by Charles.

Other than the cursory glance I gave everyone as they walked through the door, I did my best not to react when Charles came in. I allowed myself to only think of the discussion to come, and pushed all thoughts of Charles into a room in my mind and firmly shut the door.

Once everyone was settled, I got right to the point.

"For the moment we're safe, but based on what has happened over the last few days everyone of you need to be reminded that safety is fleeting. We are targets and the only way to ensure that recent events don't repeat themselves is to find them before they find us."

Hank looked skeptical. "Why are assuming that their looking for us?"

"Are you assuming that their not," I asked impatiently. "We know they came for Charles and they failed to capture him. Not only did they fail, but hundreds of their troops were defeated and one of the mutants working for with them was killed. Because we left them alive, they know who we are and what we're capable of; it would be foolish to think they aren't looking for us."

"He's right, Hank," Charles said evenly. "They're not going to stop until they accomplish their goal or until we stop them."

"Did you let everyone know what happened when you were linked to Cerebro."

"Yes," Charles answered. "They know everything you do."

"It isn't much," Angel said. "Montana is a huge state. He could be anywhere."

"We have a place to start looking and with Azazel we can cover a lot of ground quickly. We will find him," I told her confidently. I had learned from years of tracking Shaw that finding someone was just a matter of following the trail. As long as you had a starting point, you're prey could only allude you for so long.

"How close would you need to be before you could get a read on him, Charles?"

"I'm not sure. His ability to neutralize mutant abilities has already proven to be problematic. There is also the issue of familiarity. The more acquainted I am with a mind the easier it is for me to recognize it. Even if he isn't blocking me, the lack of familiarity would make finding him difficult; I think he would have to be fairly close; at most no more than a few miles away."

I was reminded of Charles' earlier words. He said he had sensed me even before I got off the plane. I wondered how long before I got off the plane. Just how powerful was he.

'_You were flying over West Virginia,'_ Charles answered matter of fact.

I forced myself not to react, but I was shocked. I had no idea that he was capable of that kind of distance without Cerebro.

Instead of acknowledging his words, I got back to the problem at hand.

"If he is working out of that area, we need to become more familiar with it. What do we know?"

"They have a lot of cowboys there," Sean answered.

Alex hit him in the shoulder. "Not helpful, Sean."

I was about to agree with Alex when undeterred Sean continued.

"There are lots of Indian tribes there too. My ninth grade geography teacher visited the Blackfoot Indian Reservation and brought us all these artifacts and pictures. It was really cool. I've always wanted to go there"

As Sean continued to talk, my mind was stuck on one word; Blackfoot. According to the files Raven had obtained, Blackfoot was the name of the base that the CIA was planning on building. I was now positive that the base had been completed and that is where we would find Emma's killers.

I interrupted Sean and quickly told the others what I knew.

"Hey Sean," Alex said. "It looks like you might be getting to take that trip to Montana sooner then you thought. I think I see a road trip in the near future."

Sean frowned and I looked at Charles to see him fighting a smile.

"I don't think this will be the kind of trip Sean was picturing, Alex," Charles responded.

"It wasn't," Sean confirmed sullenly.

"What we need," Hank said, "is an Atlas. If we could get an idea of the different geographical features in the area we might be able to narrow down where they might attempt to build something like that. For a base of operations that could house military equipment and troops they would need a rather large area away from population centers. Just those criteria alone should narrow down the possible locations considerably."

Hank was right. "I don't know if we have an atlas, but there may be one in the library."

Angel jumped up. "I'll go check."

"I'll help too," Raven said quickly and followed her out the room.

We had accomplished more than I hoped. This meeting had been a fishing expedition at best but thanks to Sean's off the wall comment we had a real lead.

"I think were done for the moment," I told everyone. "Hank, if you could stay until they get back I could use your help going over the maps. Hopefully, we can have this narrowed down some before Azazel gets back."

"Of course," Hank answered.

Sean and Alex left the room leaving the three of us behind.

Hank turned a concerned look to Charles. "Why don't you go get some rest, Professor? I know you didn't get much sleep last night and you look tired."

"None of us got much sleep last night," Charles answered defensively. "I'm fine."

Charles seemed anything but fine. Dark circles were under his eyes and his shoulders were sagged. He looked as if he were carrying the weight of the world.

Hank wasn't deterred. I got the feeling this was on old argument. "You're still recovering, Charles. You can't push yourself…."

Charles' interrupted him and his eyes flashed with anger. "I said I'm fine."

Hank sighed. "I think I'll go help Angel and Raven," he said finally before turning abruptly and leaving us alone.

I don't know where it came from, I certainly hadn't planned it, but I found myself apologizing to him.

"I'm sorry for what I said, Charles."

He smiled wearily. "Which part?"

That was a fair question. "I'm sorry for implying that you're a coward. It's the furthest thing from the truth and I could never view you that way. Cowardice has nothing to do with your reaction to what has been going on between us. You have a lot of reasons not to trust me."

"Yes, I do," he said simply. "But what I don't have is the right to keep giving you these mixed signals. After you left today, I did a lot of thinking about what's happened and about what I want. I know I've been all over the map and that's not fair to either one of us. I'm sorry. I know I'm hurting you."

This was a Charles I was familiar with; reasonable and ever the peace maker. It made me angry that he would feel the need to apologize. I had stormed back into his life uninvited and helped turn it upside down. I was like a cancer and I should have stayed away from him.

Charles' eyes widened in horror; "That's not true, Erik."

"Stay out of my head, Charles," I said angrily.

Charles ignored my words completely. "If you hadn't come back when you did I would be captured or dead right now. Alex, Sean and Hank would be dead. Would you have wanted that?"

"Of course not," I shouted. I took a deep breath and tried to regain control of my emotions. Lowering my voice I asked, "How could you even ask that?"

Charles stared at me his eyes dark with pain. I needed to put an end to this.

"I've done a lot of thinking as well, Charles and you're right. This thing between us could never work…" I forced myself to say the words. "It is too late," I said repeating his words.

I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't Charles' laughter. "Are you breaking up with me, Erik?"

I sounded defensive without meaning to. "That's ridiculous."

His laugh subsided but a smile remained. His eyes shined bright with amusement and he was beautiful. "I know what a break up speech sounds like, and that Erik was most definitely a break up speech."

After everything we had been through the last few days, how could he think this was funny?

His eyes narrowed. "That's not the question, Erik. What I want to know is what changed in the last hour. The last time we talked you were telling me to fight for us, and now you just want to give up. What the hell happened?"

I briefly thought of my confrontation with Raven and Charles' eyes narrowed.

"She had no right to do that," Charles said sharply.

"It doesn't matter whether you think she had the right or not," I told him. "What she said was true." I clenched my eyes shut as I confessed a truth I'd known all along, but had been to selfish to acknowledge. "I'm not capable of making you happy, Charles. And if anyone deserves happiness, it's you."

Charles' eyes blazed with blue fire. "Just answer me this Erik; what do you want?"

I didn't know what to say. I knew the answer, but I didn't know if I deserved to give it voice. In the end, I gave him the truth.

"I want you," I answered simply.

"Then give me time, Erik. And stop listening to that voice…the one that's telling you that all you are is what Shaw made you." I clenched my fists at the mention of Shaw, but Charles continued. "If that were all you are, you wouldn't be here now and I could never want you the way that I do."

I strode across the room to where Charles was sitting. He must have read my intent because as soon as I knelt in front of him he whispered, "Lock the door, Erik."

I barely spared it a thought as I waved my hand and then the next moment I was kissing him.

Charles and I had kissed many times today, but none of them had been like this.

Framing his face between my hands I brought his mouth to mine. There was no hesitancy. It was raw need and it was all consuming.

We kissed over and over again; till we were both breathless and needing more. My lips released his only to travel to his neck. I licked and sucked doing everything I could to take as much of him into my body as I could…I wanted his scent, his taste…I wanted everything he was willing to give.

Charles' hands tunneled into my hair and then tugged it hard enough for me to release him.

His eyes shined bright with need. "Let me in, Erik."

I knew what he wanted and I was more than happy to give it to him. I nodded my head and then kissed him again.

As our tongues tangled together, Charles' mind sank into mine. My whole body tensed with pleasure and Charles moaned into my mouth.

Without breaking the kiss I picked him up from his chair and carried him over to the sofa. I didn't have to ask permission because I knew he wanted this as badly as I did. I felt his need and it was as powerful as mine.

'_Lay me down, Erik. I want to feel you on top of me.'_

I did as he asked. Charles tensed momentarily when I gently pushed his legs apart so that I could settle between them. I started to pull back, but Charles reassured me.

'_Don't,' _he whispered into my mind. _'I want this.'_

I fell down gently against him and the moment our bodies touched we both sighed. There was no way to know who was feeling what; Every feeling was multiplied times two. Charles' pleasure was mine and my pleasure was his. There was no way to differentiate.

I kissed Charles again and gasped into his mouth when his hands went under my shirt and touched my chest. He was just beginning to ease my shirt over my head when there was a knock on the door.

"It's Hank and the girls", Charles said.

"God dammit!" I quickly assessed Charles' appearance. His hair was disheveled and his lips were swollen and I'm sure I looked the same; anyone would be able to tell what we had been doing.

'_I don't care if they know_,' Charles projected.

'_You say that now, but you will,_' I sent back.

I quickly stood up and straightened my shirt and then lifted Charles from the sofa. I couldn't resist leaning forward to kiss him again. Charles kissed me back immediately and when I pulled away he gently bit my lip sucking it into his mouth.

I moaned softly. "Are you trying to kill me?"

Charles' only answer was a smile.

I sat him down in the chair and then asked, "Are you ready for this."

His smile turned mischievous. "If they react too badly, I'll just make them forget they noticed anything."

I smiled back at him. That would work.

**Okay, guys…I'm sorry for the delay…I mean delays. I would like to say it won't happen again, but I make no promises.**

**There are only about three chapters left, two regular chapters and an epilogue. We're in the home stretch.**

**Those of you who checked on my profile know why this chapter was late. When I was unable to recover the file, I honestly cried. Though I had notes, I still had to rewrite the whole thing. I almost said screw it. I suggested to my husband that I should let the CIA find the compound where everyone's held up and have them drop a nuclear bomb. Everyone would be dead and I wouldn't have to write another sentence. There would have been no survivors. THE END. It was just a fleeting thought, but if you're glad they're all still alive leave me a review. Please.**

**See you in a couple of weeks….hopefully.**


End file.
